October 15, 2010

The "IF" Game: A Short Blog

Ladies.. You're familiar with this game. Trust me, you know it all to well.  It starts of with these phrases:

"If I wasn't married.."
"If I didn't have a girl..."
"If we weren't long distance.."
"If I didn't live w/ my fiancé..."
"If my baby mama wasn't a hood rat..."
"If I wasn't an asshole..."
"If I had a better job..."
"If I wasn't ready to settle down..."
"If you/I were older/younger..."
"If I wasn't so busy..."
"If I wasn't living at home..."

.....I'd be your man/we'd get together.

I could go on and on. It's painful. I'm not sure what the point if the "if" game is. Surely you don't think I'm flattered or it makes me feel better that SOMEONE out there finds me date-able. It doesn't. You are simply highlighting the fact that I'm still single and there aren't any prospects on the horizon. So.. Saying "well.. I'd be with you if ABC and XYZ wasn't in place" makes you think you're complimenting me. Nope... Just making me feel even more pathetic... But truth of the matter is...quite frankly..I didn't measure up. I wasnt good enough.  Your fiancee' is a lawyer...an MD...your wife is an top prosecutor...a college professor..a research scientist...a top buyer for a major retail chain.... You too wanted to upgrade yourself. So maybe the "IF" game should start with...."IF I didnt have a better choice....."

Actually, now that I think about it.. The "if" game isn't about the woman at all.  The "if" game is about YOU- a daydreaming "ego" stroke.  Look at me. Fantasize about me. I'm the perfect guy..so much so.. I'm willing to let you think I'd date you given the right circumstances. I'm allowing you to think we'd be perfect together! Although there's only one me.. See.. There's hope. *insert irony and sarcasm*

So please.. Do me and yourself a favor and put a sock in it. Daydreams are for Muppet babies.

I'm not inclined to play those games. I'm not fond of the "if" game. You are selling me the impossible dream..

If "if" was a "fifth" we'd all be drunk....and right now you are making me have to get my stomach pumped.


  1. SHYAT!!!! that was Good!!!!!!! AMEN!!!!

  2. Yeah, the "if game" is pointless and even hurtful.

  3. Good points Mocha, of course. In all fairness I believe both men and womne play the game. There are more single men than women so I guess we play it more often.

    Maybe men should break it down to a simple "if we loved with all of our heart..." that would suffice in the end?



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