Skip to main content

#YearThirtyFine: The Day I Stopped Giving a F****

Turning 39 aka Thirty Fine has been an experience.

My body has more aches and pains...I think I also found a gray hair...

I've had to make more doctor's appointments than I'd like...

I am out of breath when I chase my kid.. which reminds me to work out more and eat better.

I have to keep laxative on deck because I'm getting old...

But...

I also decided that my 39th birthday would be the day that I I would not give a f*** during my last year of my 30s.

I do not care what you think about my body. Imma wear a sheer shirt and show all my midriff.

I don't care what you think about how I parent. I am going to parent how I want and Baby Girl will be better for it.

I do not care that I am broke or have money for all the things I want

I do not care that I don't have a fly whip.

I do not care that my skin and hair isn't perfect all the time

I don't care if I wear makeup today.. and none tomorrow.

I am going to eat what I fucking want and worry about the pounds later.

I will have that extra Mimosa.

I will not give more of myself than I can.

I will not commit to things that do not give me joy.

I will do whatever the fuck I feel like.

I will not limit myself to what I can or cannot financially do.

I will shit or get off the pot when it comes to my dreams.

I won't care about the latest fashions as long as I am clothed and housed.

I will cherish the friends I have and not worry about those ones that I call a friend who do not call on me.

I will not put a label on myself. I am many things at once.

I will not do anything other than being Black and a Woman.... and patriarchy can kick rocks.

I will show my daughter that being black and a woman isn't always some downtrodden experience.

I will be sexy and brave in my exploration of my sexuality, yes, even within the confines of a marriage. Monogamy should and can allow for that.

I will stop comparing myself to a very unrealistic notion of what an over 40  body should be like.

I will not take life too seriously.

I will find my passion and take it by the balls.

Most of all...

I will always stop giving a fuck.





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
*sigh*
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…