January 23, 2012

"It'll Make You Go Crazy"

Remember back in the day (or perhaps you are too young for this) when they used to tease boys (and some girls), that masturbation would make you go blind, crippled and crazy? That touching yourself would lead to stupidity and overall frigidity? Masturbation was gonna lead to you going to hell and subsequently jacking off in a hell-pit of fire....

Well...Alfred Kinsey, famed biologist and sexual researcher, felt the opposite. So much so...that Masturbation as great....and well...necessary.


But that's not the point of this blog.....


As I was in my Sexuality and Society Class (part of my feminist theory requirement), we watched a PBS documentary on Alfred Kinsey. It was quite informative and we learned how groundbreaking (and controversial) he was. But one phrase  Kinsey said stuck in my head....


"There are only three kinds of sexual abnormalities: abstinence, celibacy and delayed marriage".




Instantly, I felt conflicted and convicted.




I will be quite honest with you all. Celibacy, while self-imposed, has grown old. I committed myself to a year and that year is almost over with. I decided that while doing this, I'd get a better understanding of myself spiritually and mentally without the distractions of sex. I could learn to date more effectively (although honestly, I didn't go on many dates during this time) and that I could learn my errors.


Well...I'm over it.com (LOL).  I'm just tired of not smelling some pheromones that are meant for me. I do feel, as Kinsey stated, a bit sexually abnormal. We are all sexual creatures. We have needs, wants, and desires. The fact that I am human AND a hot, blooded Aries isn't any help. 


In other words....I'm horny.


*shrug*


Yet I feel like a hypocrite for admitting that to you all. Isn't that crazy?  Like there is so much guilt in my heart for feeling this way, like I am betraying God, myself, and even my readers who were so supportive of this.


But I also realize I am a 33 year old, nubile, attractive black women who probably should have had her back blown out MONTHS ago....


*sigh*


It is what it is. I didn't want some random fling that meant nothing. Quite simply....I want love. I can wait a little longer.....right? I'm not abnormal....or am I?


I wouldn't call it a sexual abnormality, as Kinsey would, to be celibate. But I would say it is a self-imposed sexual prison, cutting off something that naturally is a feeling that rages through your body as naturally as your breath.  Jeesh..I run a daggone sex and relationship blog for goodness sakes! Now I feel like I'm doing my readers a huge disservice. I mean...I've been good about my pledge to myself...


but...


Hypothetically speaking....what if I DO end it??? What happens next after I get some peen? Do I just go back to being celibate? What happens.....




 My libido is a sleeping giant that is itching to wake up....






..someone just has to make me want to unlock the key.

5 comments:

  1. I commend you for holding out a year. That's EXTREMELY commendable and the flesh is weak... so I could only imagine how hard that has been. I would definitely wait until a man makes me want to give him my "sugar" before laying down again.

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  2. lmaoo @ But I also realize I am a 33 year old, nubile, attractive black women who probably should have had her back blown out MONTHS ago....

    Girl, Im proud of you for this past year. Good for you! I feel like when you meet the right guy, you should feel free to enjoy intimacy with him without guilt. It's about the emotion/feelings attached, i think, and if it feels like the right thing to do than enjoy.

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  3. Celibacy doesn't equal abnormal in my book *shrug*

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  4. I feel you on this one.. Im christian and I know that having sex is wrong i havent fully commited myself to celibacy well waiting til marriage. im not to sure about not testing the package before i buy rofl.. but i do want to trust that God knows what i need and fully trust that in that dept me and whomever I marry will be straight. Also I do notice that when you give yourself to someone it creates soul ties, and frankly im tired of those and giving up my sugar to someone who well might not be worthy in the long run so I have been holding out not a full year yet but very very close month or so shy. But boy oh boy it does get a lil rough I mean just a scent of a man can trigger my thoughts lol. Anywho, I commend you for your year and i really understand what your going thru glad im not the only one who thinks like this.. Man hope hubby round the corner waiting lol..

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  5. @CocoaGirlD...
    Ya know...*sigh*. It is a struggle I face everyday. We as humans are sexual beings..I am very much in tune with my body and sexuality. Always have been. yet I am a spiritually convicted person and like you believe in Soul Ties. I can be out here with every Tony, Derek and Hakeem, ya know? YET..I want to give my sugar to someone who deserves it....I mean DEEPLy deserves it

    Honey..that husband better come ON! cause I am tired of the games, ya hear! LMAO!

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