I'd like to speak personally to you. I want to thank you for following the blog and reading. I want to thank those who actually comment...and like what I have to say..laugh and cry with me...nod your head in agreement..or even disagree vehemently. But...
...I'm thinking of scraping the blog.
I know..this may come as a shocker but I am. It's been theraputic. But I dont know. I think it's served it's purpose. I've vented enough about being divorced and single and sometimes sexless and etc.. to last a lifetime. There really isn't anything exciting going on with me. I'm sure you dont want to hear blogs about school..NOT having a date and etc. I do love the people who do read and comment consistently. You mean a lot to me. But sometimes, talking about things are like putting a salt on a wound. It's never going to heal. People bringing it up all the time, is like pouring salt on the wounds of my life. All the encouragement in the world can't change feelings or history. Furthermore, I feel my writing has been really stagnant lately. I know I am a pretty good writer. I mean..sometimes I want to write, and the words don't come out. Or I get to the computer and cry because I realize while I have been open, I dont want to be THAT open and transparent. I feel too vulneranble even though I know that vulnerability drawers readers to me, and make them relate to me. I am glad I am relatable to someone. out there.. Furthermore, I am glad that the give-aways have been successful....but I am finding it harder and harder to find sponsors (due to the nature of the blog) and I do want men to participate, and nothing intrigues them really give-away wise.
Conversely.....I'd like to virtually kick those in the nuts or uterus who just read and don't comment (lol..j/k....kinda) . I know I cant force people to comment but a) it helps me know what topics folks like and what others dont. And b) no one is going to get your damn information when you post a comment. Dont be so daggone paranoid. Besides, you can post anonymously and c) if i wanted to expand and make the blog better, how would I know if I have no feedback. If i have low amounts of folks following via Google or Networked blogs. I dont like getting emails to my PERSONAL email saying "Oh I read on your blog such and such". Furthermore, I hate when people who know I have a blog are QUITE vouyueristic saying "But on your blog..such and such". OMG!!! It reminds of me my past memberships in groups and other websites devoted to aspects of my life: Greek life, being married, professional networking, etc. And when I become open, I leave myself open to too much. And because I am blunt and honest in my feelings and thoughts, people have a certain misconception about me. While these are my words..this is not the sum of who I am. Sometimes it IS just words. I also feel that perhaps the video blogs were too much. It lost some of the anonymity that I wanted with this blog....when I start seeing people addressing me by my REAL name on comments, then it's a problem. Anonymity is gone...long gone.
Plus, although this is about dating, mating, divorced and all things in-between, some folks are getting too obsessed with the state of my love life (lol...as if I am not already there!). It just exponentially makes me paranoid like..."Why oh Why, Mocha, did you even begin talking about this stuff??" I've gotten less phone calls about "So how's everything? Your mama? etc?" and more about "So..who are you dating right now? Anyone exciting?" And the convo turns to dissapointment when I have far less to talk about in that area... There are no new men. The "100 Dates" thing was a total bust. My bed is still just filled with me. My condoms go unused. Do you really want to hear about that? .Sometimes, the ferver in which they talk about my ex husband is on the level of the ridiculous....*smh* serious hate..when I've buried that hatchet long ago and have moved on....again...it's salt on wounds.
Finally, because of certain changes going on in my life, I feel if I do continue with the blog, it'll be a bit hypocritical due to some of the things I've posted. I dont want to put on a facade but at the same time, I'm trying to be more intensely private and you can't do that with a blog. I mean you can., but my blog hasnt been that way since about a month into posting. *sigh*...I dont blame you, dear readers. This is all my fault..
What I may do is keep it as a poetry/ non-fiction type blog....then again..I may not.
But if I do...you'll be the first to know