Skip to main content

Salt on Wounds

Dear Readers:

I'd like to speak personally to you. I want to thank you for following the blog and reading. I want to thank those who actually comment...and like what I have to say..laugh and cry with me...nod your head in agreement..or even disagree vehemently. But...

...I'm thinking of scraping the blog.

I know..this may come as a shocker but I am. It's been theraputic. But I dont know. I think it's served it's purpose. I've vented enough about being divorced and single and sometimes sexless and etc.. to last a lifetime. There really isn't anything exciting going on with me.  I'm sure you dont want to hear blogs about school..NOT having a date and etc. I do love the people who do read and comment consistently. You mean a lot to me. But sometimes, talking about things are like putting a salt on a wound. It's never going to heal. People bringing it up all the time, is like pouring salt on the wounds of my life. All the encouragement in the world can't change feelings or history. Furthermore, I feel my writing has been really stagnant lately. I know I am a pretty good writer. I mean..sometimes I want to write, and the words don't come out. Or I get to the computer and cry because I realize while I have been open, I dont want to be THAT open and transparent. I feel too vulneranble even though I know that vulnerability drawers readers to me, and make them relate to me. I am glad I am relatable to someone. out there..  Furthermore, I am glad that the give-aways have been successful....but I am finding it harder and harder to find sponsors (due to the nature of the blog) and I do want men to participate, and nothing intrigues them really give-away wise.

Conversely.....I'd like to virtually kick those in the nuts or uterus who just read and don't comment (lol..j/k....kinda) . I know I cant force people to comment but a) it helps me know what topics folks like and what others dont. And b) no one is going to get your damn information when you post a comment. Dont be so daggone paranoid. Besides, you can post anonymously and c) if i wanted to expand and make the blog better, how would I know if I have no feedback. If i have low amounts of folks following via Google or Networked blogs.  I dont like getting emails to my PERSONAL email saying "Oh I read on your blog such and such". Furthermore, I hate when people who know I have a blog are QUITE vouyueristic saying "But on your blog..such and such". OMG!!!  It reminds of me my past memberships in groups and other websites devoted to aspects of my life: Greek life, being married, professional networking, etc. And when I become open, I leave myself open to too much. And because I am blunt and honest in my feelings and thoughts, people have a certain misconception about me. While these are my words..this is not the sum of who I am. Sometimes it IS just words. I also feel that perhaps the video blogs were too much. It lost some of the anonymity that I wanted with this blog....when I start seeing people addressing me by my REAL name on comments, then it's a problem. Anonymity is gone...long gone.

Plus, although this is about dating, mating, divorced and all things in-between, some folks are getting too obsessed with the state of my love life ( if I am not already there!). It just exponentially makes me paranoid like..."Why oh Why, Mocha, did you even begin talking about this stuff??"  I've gotten less phone calls about "So how's everything? Your mama? etc?" and more about "So..who are you dating right now? Anyone exciting?" And the convo turns to dissapointment when I have far less to talk about in that area... There are no new men. The "100 Dates" thing was a total bust. My bed is still just filled with me. My condoms go unused. Do you really want to hear about that? .Sometimes, the ferver in which they talk about my ex husband is on the level of the ridiculous....*smh* serious hate..when I've buried that hatchet long ago and have moved's salt on wounds.

Finally, because of certain changes going on in my life, I feel if I do continue with the blog, it'll be a bit hypocritical due to some of the things I've posted. I dont want to put on a facade but at the same time, I'm trying to be more intensely private and you can't do that with a blog. I mean you can., but my blog hasnt been that way since about a month into posting. *sigh*...I dont blame you, dear readers. This is all my fault..

What I may do is keep it as a poetry/ non-fiction type blog....then again..I may not.

But if I'll be the first to know

Take care,


  1. Blogger burnout is not uncommon. I've seen some folks just broaden the types of things they blog about. Like one blog I read started out about her getting out debt/finances and now she blogs primarily about her weight loss. And I think it was successful transition. Just something to think about.

  2. I feel you can be so blah blogging sometimes and its like you are talking to yourself when no one comments. I guess I keep blogging because I just love does feel overwhelming feeling exposed to lurkers tho. I know I don't get to visit more often but the world wide web wont be the same without gotta do what makes you feel comfortable. Much lub! hugs

  3. I definitely understand where you're coming from, on each of these different levels.

    Maybe a brief hiatus is what you need or, as Laila said, broadening the scope of what you discuss. The show "Sex and the City" wasn't ONLY about the four ladies having sex/dating (although there was a lot of that). It was also about their careers, their families, their friendships with one another, their love of shopping, hobbies, etc. So I personally wouldn't mind hearing about school and other aspects of your life on here, and I'm sure others wouldnt either. That way, folks can ask you about more than just your love life when they talk to you (eww, are you serious? Ppl are getting that obsessed with you!?? *smh*)

    Not commenting, voyeuristic lurkers are the bane of my existence as well!!!!

  4. I hear what you are saying! I have considered taking a blog hiatus, too, especially when I have had zero comments but people on my FB are like, "Oh, I loved that recent post you did". Well, tell me so! I am in the same boat. I don't want my blog to be about me being a mom because I'm much more than that, just like you are much more than what you talk about in your blog.

    Maybe it's time to give the blog a facelift and change direction. Or maybe it's time to peace out. Only you know for sure, but regardless, I have enjoyed reading. You are quite prolific and have motivated me to do better about commenting and posting :)

  5. i'm with the others, mocha. i would really, really hate to see you go. don't get me wrong, i totally understand where you're coming from. but i agree that you should take a break... as long as you need... and then, revamp and keep writing! that's what blogging is really all about. you're a wonderful writer. give us restaurant reviews, movie critiques, whatever... just write!!! i gave up on the whole commenting thing. but, i will say the advice on another (highly followed and popular) blog i read has been quite helpful: basically, comment on other blogs and writers in turn do the same on your's.

  6. Although I don't comment as often if at all. I enjoy reading your blog and would hate to see you go. Maybe it is time to take a break, however, don't just give it up. You're definitely a good writer. Your entitled to express your thoughts and experiences, and if people have a negative response to it. Then so be it! No one is in a position to judge. I don't know about anyone else, but you're my inspiration. Love ya!

  7. I think every blogger gets to this point... should I shut it down... and I think even if you do, you'll be back.

    A break is always good, so I encourage that and if it's a break that we call "gone for good, until I come back..." I can support that.

    It's your space, and it should reflect you in whatever way you see fit, even if that includes silence...

  8. Get me hooked on the blog and then scrap it! But I so feel you. During the life of this blog you have been all up in my head and i'd be screaming Amen to my computer! I'd hate to see it change at all, even more to see it go but fully understand if either happens. Just know your blog is one of my favorite non fashion blogs because of your realness and mirror of my own life. I feel so not alone when I think I am completely alone in what I'm going through. But hey your blog isn't for me lol but it spoke deeply to me.

  9. Also I'm with Y. I would love to hear how school and other parts of your life is going. Hair care, bus rides, work life all that lol

  10. I'm guilty of reading and not commenting! But..since I don't HAVE a uterus I'm good! LOL

    But seriously Tati your blog will evolve as your life evolves and you have a talent for writing. Passion will come and go but gifts last. Take a break and then come back to us!

  11. I have only recently added your blog to my reader and actually linked to a couple of your posts on my own blog. I am getting married next month but I find your words as a divorced woman who has not given up on love inspiring. I hope you don't stop blogging because I for one, am reading.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…