August 6, 2010

Dear Mocha: " I Want That Old Thang Back"

What happens when you break up...to make up...but the thrill is gone?


How do you recapture the love and lusty romance you had before.......OR is that even possible?

This is a question that a reader posed me via email:

Dear Mocha:
My boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. Recently, we decided to give it another try  but things are different. I still love and care for him, but the romantic feelings I had before are gone! I mean, I dont find him unattractive or anything. If anything we've become better friends. In between the break up, I've been with other guys who sexually were better but of course emotionally were lacking what my boyfriend had.  Plus, my boyfriend cheated which is why we broke up. I'm struggling to be romantic or even sexual. Is this the reason why I cant get over the wall? I just want it back to how it was before..where we loved on each other all the time. I'd really like some help! I dont want to lose my boyfriend again over this!


Well reader...this is a classic case of "I Want That Old Thang Back". The difficulty in desire of having "old thing back" is that..well..it just wont be the same.

I know you want things to be back to how they were before. Sometime love evolves...sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. In this case, you all have decided to move forward into something new. Is there something heavy on your heart? Is the cheating of the past making you build up an emotional wall? Perhaps these are issues that you can address in couples counseling. You have to let go of the past.

I think maybe if you refocuse things on something new...something refreshing instead of focusing on how romance USED to be back in the days of bliss, things will be better. Do a new activity together. Try a new position or act..incorperate some new things. Spice it up!

But most of all...forgive yourself for the past. THIS is what's keeping you from opening your heart up. SO what..you've been with other men. And maybe the sex was better...but they didn't love you or step up like the new boyfriend that you are WILLING to forgive. With love..the sex will get better  and your openness will also increase.

 It wont be the same kind of passion and romance..that was NEW love. This time it will be a comfortable, relaxed kind of love. The question is..can you deal with that? Will that sustain and satisfy you for the rest of your days with this person (if it heads toward marriage)


I hope this helps :)


2 comments:

  1. i think the pain from betrayal is still present even though you all are friends again. have to deal with the unresolved issues first. lack of trust is a huge romance killer.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great advice!!!!!!!! Well said, girl ~ I concur!

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin
 

Blog Design By: Lucky Girl Design Studio © All Rights Reserved. | Graphic: iStockphoto