Skip to main content

Guest Blogger Sunday: Embracing a Sexual Dry Spell

** Sex and the Southern Belle is proud to partner with Frances Denzel of for a timely guest blog....Valentine's Day is around the corner and well.........everyone isn't getting that loving feeling. We learn that sometimes that can be a good thing... **

Embracing a Sexual Dry Spell

Even the most passionate couple may experience a period in time when sexual desires are low. Intimacy is easily pushed aside, sometimes stress is a main cause or perhaps you simply “don't feel like it”. Some may feel concerned  that sexual disinterest will spill into other aspects of the relationship and lead to general disinterest with their partner.

Don't place a grim outlook on your future however, a sexual dry spell is an opportunity to embrace other aspects of the relationship and build your foundation stronger in other ways such an emotional closeness and a deeper friendship. You can also harness this time to bring a fantastic triumphant return to your sex life in a few months! Below are a few ways to embrace this time and change your train of through from negative to positive:

1.)  Anticipation Builds
Patience is required and only time can create desire. Eventually however the human trait of “you want what you cant have” will come to the surface. An interesting tip is to keep practicing abstinence for a while longer, don't give into your urges just yet. The longer you wait, the more exciting your first sexual encounter will be.

This may be an extreme example, but people who become “born again virgins” or decided to wait until marriage for sexual intercourse experience better intimacy during sex then couples who have sexual intercourse before marriage. Following this premise, even a married couple can benefit from holding off for a while longer. Furthermore, this gives the mind an excellent opportunity to fantasize about the future encounter!

2.)  Offers an Opportunity to Start a New Sex Life.
Perhaps the sex life faded because of repetition. It will happen to even the most seasoned lovers, as humans, we are creatures of habit and easily fall into a routine because that's what's most comfortable. Some people think of new things to try but are timid about suggesting it to their partner, most commonly out of fear of rejection.

If you are on a sex life hiatus, it can be considered pressing the “reset” button so when you finally jump back into bed together, you can suggest the new things you've wanted to try since your ordinary sexual routine is no longer a “routine”. Try a new sexual position you've always wanted to, try having sex outside the bedroom or try sex toys. Check this out, it could be the “first day of the rest of your sex life”! 

3.)  Emotional Connection Deepens.
We can learn a lot from courtship. Couples who engage in this time old Christian tradition  connect on an emotional level first. Many claim this builds an excellent foundation of trust, communication and friendship before sex even comes into play. Critics to this practice say that sexual chemistry cannot be learned, it's the same chemistry as compatibility but couples who have been through courtship phase will tell you otherwise.

If you're interested in what courtship entails to see how it's practices can be applied to your current phase in your relationship, please view the stages of courtship. This example states heavily the reference to religion but you'll see the original concept behind this practice. Why are we mentioning courtship in an article about sex? It's purely to show the stance on how being abstinence can positively affect emotional closeness and growth in your marriage.

"Frances Denzel offers relationship advice for couples helping to deepen emotional connection, proving the benefits of a close intimate bond for the mind body and soul. Frances contributes information for and reaches out to fellow Americans looking for inspiration in the bedroom."


Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

Desperate Times, Drastic Measures!

Hey Folks!

I know.. I have skipped a couple of weeks already! BUT in my defense, having a sick toddler will wear you out... and family really is important.

That being said... I've gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. I've had a physical, which has made me reassess  my life. I have more appointments on the books than I care for just to make sure I am doing ok. I don't want to go into anything as to alarm folks, but I do want to keep on trucking and this is all part of being proactive. I'm still in the gym but not really seeing much progress. I am sure it has something to do with my eating. It isn't that I eat bad.. I just do not eat enough to burn off the fat . I have to meal plan better..

This is where Pinterest comes in....I have tons and tons of food options saved. I figure I can do weekly "sheet pan" meals for my meal planning.. and then shop for the week. I normally I am a "once a month" grocery shopper... but I think that's g…