January 14, 2013
Courting is on Life Support
So I just read an article today about how courting in the age of text messages, Facebook and Skype is pretty much dead to us young girls. And men have no social skills that women crave... Shows like Girls on HBO show women having relationships totally via text, hook ups and just being awkward with boys with awkward social skills.
Even I have written blogs about how guys want relationships solely via text messages. Post-Divorce I've experienced that a lot. Guys who want to ask you out via text or have "dates" that aren't really dates but group activities or asking you to simply "tag along" while they are out. That isn't a date.
There are men who court. I know because finally, at the age of 33, I am experiencing a real courtship. This isn't to say guys didn't attempt to court me. I mean, I was married before. But sometimes, these guys just fell short. Something was off and I couldn't put my finger on it. They still wanted to do things way too modern for my old-fashioned sensibilities.
The first time my guy asked me out, it wasn't via text. He called me. He picked up the phone. He made concreate plans ahead of time. He told me what the attire was and what we would do. I was so thrilled. Trust me I thought this was some kind of fluke, but I realized that this is how he was. HE was raised to be a gentleman. He opens my door always. I never open doors. He pays for our outings (and when I insist on paying, trust me, he takes notice). He always makes plans. We are constantly communicating: Facetime, text, phone...it's a combination of things. Not a reliance on one form that doesn't involve real human contact because someone is afraid to be human and vulnerable.
We've had countless dates since. He likes to surprise me. Flowers just because it's "Thursday". Cards left in odd places for me to find. Christmas was the best....as he made personalized gifts and really knew the way to my heart...... They really don't make them like him anymore...*swoons*
I say all of that to not brag on my baby (although he is shole' nuff awesome....lol ) but to say that men do indeed court. There are men who cherish phone conversations and like the excitement in a girl's face when she's genuinely surprised on a date and enjoys his company....not because she wants to GET something out of it...
I think it is up to women to NOT accept this behavior from guys. Say NOT to dates initiated via Text. Ignore those "Hey you" or "wassup" texts at 3 am that mean nothing. Do not engaged in "deep" conversations via text at all. Don't go to dates that are "hey just come through" types of things. Don't let men dictate the course of relationships or keep them "undefined". It is also up to fellas to be gentleman. Open doors. PLAN real dates. Don't be afraid to spend some cash and don't expect "sex" or a "hook up" as payment. MEn who are actually excited to go out with you and spend time getting to know you and don't hide behind text messages. Men who basically aren't lazy. Period.
Maybe it's because some men don't have fathers in their lives. It could be that we are so oversexed and in a microwave society that they want "instant gratification"....who knows. All I know is women are thirsty...and the desert called dating is dry.
Courting isn't dead totally. It is on life support...just waiting until the right guy can resuscitate it.
Ladies..keep searching. He's out there. Ready to breathe life into your heart........