March 8, 2012

F*ck Like A Man

I hear that phrase a lot. There is a belief that men always separate their feelings from sex.  That this is a hard and fast rule....Meaning, they hardly ever have "emotional" reasons for having sex, particularly if they are single. Women need romance/feelings to have sex; Men need Sex to have romance (LOL)

As my reach my full year of celibacy, I have been asked if I will have "causal" sex after this year is over. Meaning, will I be able to just have sex, minus the emotions. "Have sex like a man", they say. Just *fuck them and keep on moving*.... and surely I will have more fun. At this point, I am not sure if I will even want to stop the celibacy, let along jump in head first (pun intended) and dive in deep.

I've been told I will feel more liberated if I "'take all the pressure off" of it, all the expectations that I will be sharing a serious, life altering experience. Just "think like a man and do it".  Divorce myself from the idea that sex creates a  "soul tie"....and that if I think more like "Samantha" from Sex and the City, I will really enjoy my sex life.

While I appreciate them advocating for a "liberated sex-positive" stance, I don't know how comfortable I am with that. Furthermore, I am a bit miffed that women somehow think that all men can divorce themselves from emotion and just stick their penis where they please. "Ain't no love for them hoes"....sure... *blank stare*

I just refuse to believe that 99% of men are running around having sex like mindless androids. I really refuse. I believe that men have ..."feelings".  I was recently told by a man that he couldn't just have sex with anyone...he had to have feelings for into them. Now... do I totally believe him?

You  know what....I do actually believe him. Why? Because he had no reason but to be straight up with me when asked a direct question. I think we offend men by thinking that they are just robotic and automatic with their dicks. They aren't. There is a flesh and blood and THINKING and rational person attached to it, despite what the media, past relationships, or anything else may tell us.

Just like women...they too can feel empty if no emotion is involved. Just like women....they feel like they have to have a deeper connection to penetrate someone. And just like women...they realize that just "sticking and moving" gets pretty old pretty quickly, waking up with regrets is no fun. What if you are the woman, and just going around getting your freak on, and low and behold, you find that one treasure of a guy who actually connects to you deeper than your vagina?  We may communicate differently but the human need for emotional attachment is universal and across gender lines.

I do believe in God. I do believe that sex is highly spiritual...Sex is a highly tender moment of vulnerability. You are naked in ever sense of the word, stripped down to the way God made you. Why wouldn't you want to, in that moment, have some kind of emotional rawness with the person who you are allowing to enjoy your physical presence?

I am struggling. I feel like Analog Girl in a Digital World when it comes to sex sometimes. Sometimes I wanna go fast. Sometimes I wanna go slow. I do wear my heart on my sleeve in the worst way. Sometimes I want to hid everything and be impenetrable (ha...the irony..LOL)  And most of all, I don't want to get hurt. I feel like this whole "sex w/ no emotion" movement is in response to deeper hurts that people have, male or female. But especially women.......

I am not sure I can go on living my life f*cking like a man..

...especially if I want to love (and be loved) like a woman.


  1. Sounds like you know what side of the issue you stand on. You feel what you feel the heart wants what the heart wants if you are not wired that way no biggie no sweat. If you decide you want to test the waters go for it if not the world will not end.

    Since I have been celibate for so long most wouldn't believe that I had a few of my own "Samantha" moments but I am not overly emotional or sensitive either we are all wired differently. I def. want to love and be loved as a woman love that line.

  2. Well said Tati! Especially the last line of the post! Continue to follow your heart.

    I know how hard it is and there are times that I just want to give in and get nekkid with the first dude who calls me. However, I'm going to keep on holding OUT until I meet the man who deserves my "Lovin'".

  3. Nice very nice! You know exactly what you want and you should stay that way. Samantha is my girl and i lived by her motto but like you said humans need emotional attachment men and women. My father always told me that if you had two babies one showered with love and one not. The child that doesn't get the love and attention can have a rough life, get sick and potentially die. We as people need that emoional bond. It's what makes us want to keep going through anything. My father drove that point home with that story and so are you. Thanks!

  4. Erica Nicole3/8/12, 10:59 PM

    Awesome blog, stand firm in what you believe. I am much like you in your views on sex. I also don't think that the majority of men are on auto pilot when it comes to sex. I just think they keep certain feelings bottled up because they think thats what is expected. On another short note..In my early 20's I tried the "f like a man" mentality, and I felt like crap afterwards. It was the worse feeling to me to have a man that I cared nothing about entering my body, seeing my every physical insecurity, and laying in my most sacred place- my bed. I just felt terrible. Ever since that time I refuse to have sex with any man outside of a meaningful relationship, because I never want to feel that way ever again. Some women can do it, just not me...14 months and

  5. You've managed to sum up how I've been feeling lately in this blog. Give me love and soulties. Empty sex isn't the business.....for ME.

    Sex will never be greater than love.

  6. I agree with the others - follow your heart! Everyone is different and requires different things to make them feel good, feel happy, and be comfortable with who they're looking at in the mirror each day.

    LOVE this here tho --- > "I am not sure I can go on living my life f*cking like a man.... especially if I want to love (and be loved) like a woman." #BOOM!!!

  7. I am a man and have only had sex inside a committed relationship. I wish I actually was married, but that was never the case. Unfortunately, girls in their 20s are told to go out and live like Samantha, they have sex with a very small rotating cast of characters, while the decent men who feel they want to do things the right way see that they are losers for not acting the same way.
    By the time the girls in their 20s turn to women in their 30s, many of the good, marriageable men have mostly given up.
    I really think our moral breakdown in this country is to blame.



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