Skip to main content

Embracing The "Thickness"


Jilly from Philly is a brick house fa sho'

It took me 33 (ok..32.75) years to realize..


I am not skinny.


I will NEVER be skinny.


Ever.


The smallest I may get down to is a NICE solid 8...a 10 if I up the carbs....


And I am OK with that.....

Part of my embrace of my bliss in 2012 has also been coming to grips with my body image... As a kid, I have always had this love/hate relationship with my curves. I developed SUPER early, and was all boobs and thighs and no butt. I had a weird shape in my eyes. I got teased relentlessly....My name starts with a T so I got called every "Titty" joke in the book. I had no butt...and I got teased by guys about that. Yet I wanted to be thin. I didn't realize at 5'4 and 125 lbs I was STACKED....not fat...and went through periods of flirting with of bulimia and anorexia. That didn't last too long.....I like to eat. I used to run miles and stayed doing leg exercises because I was a cheerleader....little did I know I was FIONE....

When I got older, It just got worse. Video chicks were abound. College campuses filled with dime pieces that were not looking like you. I gained weight. Lost weight...and gained again. I was all over the place in size...8..10..12./..14 The largest I ever got was a size 16...and close to 180 lbs..... My wedding dress was a size 18 and I cried so hard realizing how large it was. I was devastated.

After the divorce, my own body image self consciousness really took a turn for the worse. I lived in ATLANTA...home of the Magic City dancers....and felt like men also had expectations that women look just as fine as those women... I took matters into my own hands and went on a SERIOUSLY strict diet, worked out 7 days a week for hours at a time and lost 50 lbs. I felt good...I was at ease. but then out of nowhere..the weight started to creep back up. I had no idea why....

It went to extreme levels where I was working out like a beast and not dropping a pound. I cried and cried..People began to notice the sudden weight gain.( Heck..part of the reason I was/am celibate is because I am not too comfortable with people seeing me naked. ) I was just out of it. After working hard to lose 50 lbs previously...clothes started not to fit... I was tired all the time. I didn't really eat badly but the weight was there... I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with hypothyroidism: a disease of the thyroid gland where my metabolism slows to a halt, you gain weight, have tiredness, headaches and a bunch of other stuff. Once the doctor told me what the issue was, how I'd have to REALLY watch what I ate, take synthetic hormones for the rest of my life, and work out even harder, I got a grip on things. But she told me.."You may never be down to the size you were.....but you will be healthy" That was a hard pill to swallow.

But I am over it.

I  look at thicker role models like Jill Scott, Christiana Hendricks, Lalah Hathaway, Emily Bustamante, Scarlett Johanssan, Chrisette Michele, Serena Williams, and others.......and realize it is OK to be sexy and curvy. If I got a gut even if I work out...it is OK. (As Chris Rock says..it's some good p**y under that gut!! *LOL* ) Let me put on my Spanx and work the hell out of a bandage dress and stilettos. I may not be able to rock a two  piece, but I can get in a snazzy one-piece. I might not be able to shop at Victoria's secret...but I can rock some sexy Lane Bryant undies... And with all the news bombarding the images of black w omen and why we are single, our weight being one of those issues and matters of contention, I am tired of the assault on my psyche and I reject it. And as my mother once told me..."Baby..no man has turned down a naked woman...no matter what size she was...".


One day..I went and put on some lingerie....and looked in the mirror and smiled...I had filled out some...but I was still pretty hot...  I keep myself healthy, still working out and watching what I eat....it's just more of me to watch out for.


I'm OK with being thicker than normal. I mean..I am Southern for God sakes... and even if I don't drop another pound I  know...that I love me.....I love the new found appreciation for "the thickness"


..and someone out there will love "the thickness" too. Believe that...

Comments

  1. Girl, thick looks GOOD!!!! Way better than skinny, if you ask me. And all those bombshells you named are fierce!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LMAO! Yeah..I know you enjoy a curvy girl. You've alway s been so sweet about my style/shape too ! LMAO!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dating and the Dark-Skinned Girl

Often times in the circle of close bloggers, who become friends, we get into debates (albeit friendly ones) but debates nonetheless. I happened to be on my "private" blog site reading a dear friend's blog. I love her to death and she's been like a big sister to me, helping me through my divorce as a shoulder to cry on and listening ear. And although I've never met her in person...I do consider her a friend (that may sound strange to most..but it isnt to bloggers!) She's a gorgeous Black and Mexican woman..living in southern Cal and raising her teenage son amazingly! I was reading her blog...and came across this:

Ok..just a random thought... What is with the expression "LSLH?" Because it's usually used in a negative way, I'm offended by it.It irks me to no end! I mean, does it make us less of a black women because we have lighter skin and long hair? So when I read blogs or websites that use that expression, I think it's sad. So what if I&…

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex operator...my job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

The "Fleece Johnson" Guide to Dating

I am not sure if any of you saw the recent Boondocks where they spoofed prison culture and gayness. Well....if you haven't...here is a little clip of where they got their inspiration from. Fleece Johnson...the Booty Warrior... So yeah...Fleece is a little crazy..but we are about to roll with thiis for a minute. I am about to take the "Fleece Johnson" no holds barred approach to dating. If I see a dude it's going down  like this: I likes ya I wants ya We can do this the easy way Or the hard way....your choice. Now..Fleece might be talking about gay men and booty warrior and "hornin". But..I'm talking about taking the same approach to men. If I see a dude I want..I WANT HIM. Imma have him. We can play games and bullshit and do it the hard way...OR we can do it the easy way...you give in to me and my desires (and yours)..and be happy. Which would you rather have? Would you rather have to do dumb sh*t to work for a good woman? Or take an easy approach with the sam…