November 4, 2011

Dear Men: Death to the "Hey You" Text


I am always inspired by other bloggers. I read and crack up DAILY at Awesomely Luvvie's blog. She is too funny.  The posts that always crack me up are her "sternly worded" letters, to celebrities, commentary on pop culture, and all other forms of rachetness. So, needless to say, she inspired me to do a "sternly worded letter" of my own to men and their use (well..misuse) of the "Hey You" text.

Dear Men Of the Free World (Regardless of Race, Creed, Religion, Nationality, or Color):

They shoulda never gave you nuggets cell phones. 

And with the advent of texting, I definitely wish to hell that that means of communication was never born. I am convinced texting was invented by a cowardly man who wanted to avoid actual communication at all costs.  I mean, you DO know what it's (texting) for right? Texts are quick little joints like "Imma be late" or "Can you pick up some milk?" or "Hey..Emergency..My cat died". You know, important shit that, nonetheless,  can be translated in brevity.

They are NOT for you to send random, ratchet "Hey you" texts. Just two raggedy words. Hey and You. WTF is the purpose of these texts? I think I talked about this not too long ago, how men like do to the "back pocket girl" check-in from time to time. B*tch I do not have time for games.  What do you think that text was supposed to do? Get me wet in the panties and itching to talk to you.

Quite the opposite. All the "hey you" text does is further give me reasons not to communicate with your punk ass. Don't come at me like I'm some afterthought. Like "Oh..let me see wassup with you?" What you want? I know it's getting cold. A hot meal. Some body heat? WHAT??

Text messages damn sure aren't "sticky notes" for your brain to check on some girl you hadn't talk to in 5 months of Sundays.

I love you, men. I truly do. But do you all know this thing called "social etiquette" and graces. Or were you all raised by a back of she-wolves?  And what makes you think a woman is gonna even remember who the hell you are after long lapses of time?? And why the "hey you". You don't remember shit about me. Tell the truth, yo! *smh* You can't even personalize the message you sorry excuse for brains. Just lazy as hell..if you said my name I'd remember

Then when I'm like "Yo..wtf is this?" Cause obviously I do not remember..you decide to be clever and text me a photo. Like I'm supposed to have a jarred memory cause you sent some photo. I'm trying to FORGET you. WTF, son! Then when I casually remind you of how long it's been since we talked...you go.."For real...it's been 5 months?" Obviously..I wasn't that deep on your mind. Truth is, you just didn't want ME to forget about you so you can have an IN. Ol narcissistic assclown..... Dont nobody give a damn about the air you breathe and the space you consume..let alone your raggedy texts!! Ugh..you make my hemorrhoids flare up!

Whathadhappenedwas....you saw my number in your cell....was like "Hold up..what happened to that chick...let me send a text"..thinking it could ease you back into the scene...maybe get some ass...and some hot ramen noodles on a cold winter's night.  WRONG! WOMP! WOMP!  You just played your damn self.

I call for a funeral to the "hey you" text. Ain't no sincerity behind it. No genuine concern. Cause if that was the case...there would be no need for the "hey you" text.  You would have mad a concerted effort to keep me around, keep the lines of communication open IRREGARDLESS (yes..that is incorrect English...but alas).  At least have the decency to be for real and be like "Uhm..so your name is in my cell..we ain't talked in a minute...who is this?" Yeah...I'd garner a modicum of respect for you then.

Men...Please have a seat. No. A full church pew at The Potter's House. And please don't text me no "hey you" mess again. HEY is for horses (as my Grandpa would say...)

Signed,

I don't give 12 damns if I got unlimited texts, you are using up my megabytes for bullshit.

3 comments:

  1. My other favorites are the " Good Morning " and " Hey Stranger " texts. Ugh

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  2. lmaoo! My issue isnt the short little "hey yo" texts, but the fact that sometime dudes try to use texting to replace important convos that need to be had on the phone or in person. D used to do that a LOT when we were first dating, and it was so infuriating. He still tries to pull that from time to time (have an important discussion that me and him really need to hash out face to face), and i am just like Dude I am not doing this with you!

    *smh* Some folks really do abuse text messaging.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hilarious, and then some.

    It does sound kinda strange for a man to be texting Hey You, I must admit I've texted a few these words, but it's more on an intimate gesture and more than likely understood by the those two peeps.

    You're a trip, Tatianna. Lol.

    ReplyDelete

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