Skip to main content

Dear Men: Death to the "Hey You" Text

I am always inspired by other bloggers. I read and crack up DAILY at Awesomely Luvvie's blog. She is too funny.  The posts that always crack me up are her "sternly worded" letters, to celebrities, commentary on pop culture, and all other forms of rachetness. So, needless to say, she inspired me to do a "sternly worded letter" of my own to men and their use (well..misuse) of the "Hey You" text.

Dear Men Of the Free World (Regardless of Race, Creed, Religion, Nationality, or Color):

They shoulda never gave you nuggets cell phones. 

And with the advent of texting, I definitely wish to hell that that means of communication was never born. I am convinced texting was invented by a cowardly man who wanted to avoid actual communication at all costs.  I mean, you DO know what it's (texting) for right? Texts are quick little joints like "Imma be late" or "Can you pick up some milk?" or "Hey..Emergency..My cat died". You know, important shit that, nonetheless,  can be translated in brevity.

They are NOT for you to send random, ratchet "Hey you" texts. Just two raggedy words. Hey and You. WTF is the purpose of these texts? I think I talked about this not too long ago, how men like do to the "back pocket girl" check-in from time to time. B*tch I do not have time for games.  What do you think that text was supposed to do? Get me wet in the panties and itching to talk to you.

Quite the opposite. All the "hey you" text does is further give me reasons not to communicate with your punk ass. Don't come at me like I'm some afterthought. Like "Oh..let me see wassup with you?" What you want? I know it's getting cold. A hot meal. Some body heat? WHAT??

Text messages damn sure aren't "sticky notes" for your brain to check on some girl you hadn't talk to in 5 months of Sundays.

I love you, men. I truly do. But do you all know this thing called "social etiquette" and graces. Or were you all raised by a back of she-wolves?  And what makes you think a woman is gonna even remember who the hell you are after long lapses of time?? And why the "hey you". You don't remember shit about me. Tell the truth, yo! *smh* You can't even personalize the message you sorry excuse for brains. Just lazy as hell..if you said my name I'd remember

Then when I'm like " is this?" Cause obviously I do not decide to be clever and text me a photo. Like I'm supposed to have a jarred memory cause you sent some photo. I'm trying to FORGET you. WTF, son! Then when I casually remind you of how long it's been since we go.."For's been 5 months?" Obviously..I wasn't that deep on your mind. Truth is, you just didn't want ME to forget about you so you can have an IN. Ol narcissistic assclown..... Dont nobody give a damn about the air you breathe and the space you consume..let alone your raggedy texts!! make my hemorrhoids flare up! saw my number in your cell....was like "Hold up..what happened to that chick...let me send a text"..thinking it could ease you back into the scene...maybe get some ass...and some hot ramen noodles on a cold winter's night.  WRONG! WOMP! WOMP!  You just played your damn self.

I call for a funeral to the "hey you" text. Ain't no sincerity behind it. No genuine concern. Cause if that was the case...there would be no need for the "hey you" text.  You would have mad a concerted effort to keep me around, keep the lines of communication open IRREGARDLESS (yes..that is incorrect English...but alas).  At least have the decency to be for real and be like " your name is in my cell..we ain't talked in a minute...who is this?" Yeah...I'd garner a modicum of respect for you then.

Men...Please have a seat. No. A full church pew at The Potter's House. And please don't text me no "hey you" mess again. HEY is for horses (as my Grandpa would say...)


I don't give 12 damns if I got unlimited texts, you are using up my megabytes for bullshit.


  1. My other favorites are the " Good Morning " and " Hey Stranger " texts. Ugh

  2. lmaoo! My issue isnt the short little "hey yo" texts, but the fact that sometime dudes try to use texting to replace important convos that need to be had on the phone or in person. D used to do that a LOT when we were first dating, and it was so infuriating. He still tries to pull that from time to time (have an important discussion that me and him really need to hash out face to face), and i am just like Dude I am not doing this with you!

    *smh* Some folks really do abuse text messaging.

  3. Hilarious, and then some.

    It does sound kinda strange for a man to be texting Hey You, I must admit I've texted a few these words, but it's more on an intimate gesture and more than likely understood by the those two peeps.

    You're a trip, Tatianna. Lol.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…