May 26, 2011

The Wedding Pariah

When I was married and a newlywed, my husband and/or I were invited at to at LEAST 6 weddings a month. (Not even kidding).  Every weekend was packed with at least the brief appearance at a wedding. Or  a trip out of town to go to a wedding of a friend...or a friend of a friend.....etc. It seemed as though folks wanted us to be there. Not because we were all that close..or that we were the best of friends. But..they needed that "newlywed" energy. You see...Me and the ex were THAT couple. The fun couple that laughed, danced, and looked as though we had been married 20 years. People loved us. I had my plus-ONE for life...and that was just fine with me.

Fast forward to 2008....and I know of plenty of people getting married. Ask me how many wedding invites I've recieved since my divorce? 2. Yep...just 2. How many people do I know that got married? Tons....

Once you get divorced or are single, folks look at you as this "wedding pariah". It's not..."Oh..we HAVE to invite The W----s" nor it's more like.."Jeesh.....she's single. I mean..where can we PUT her? Is she gonna bring a date??" Yep...trust and believe that is how wedding planning goes. Ask me how I know? Because I DID IT...yep...I did it. However...I had this strategic plan of having tables of singles mixing and mingling....I wanted my wedding to be this match making event. And it actually worked. We got a wedding out it (which I wasnt invited to..but that's another story)......3 babies CONCIEVED that night. It was magical....(lol).

Ya know...I am conviced the reason why we divorced folks don't get invited to weddings is because we just have that "energy" (or percieved energy). They dont want us to jinx the wedding and be this pariah with the albatross of "Divorce" hanging around our necks. True..we may have sage wisdom..but seeing your divorced friend sitting at the table make rub you the wrong way.

And OH! Let's not even get on baby showers if you are both divorced AND childless. They might as well think they are sending you a suicide note...saying 'B*tch kill yo self!". It isnt that deep. Hey..I like finger sammiches and looking at baby clothes like the rest of the fine ladies. I LOVE to go baby clothes shopping. Just the other day..I was wondering who was pregnant  or had a newborn so I could send them a gift.. It gives me a tiny bit of hope. And quite frankly...we all need that.

So I say all of that to say...don't discount your divorced, childless, or single girlfriend when these major events happen in your life like weddings and baby showers happen. We just want to share in your joy. Not all of us are (for lack of a better word), "haters". Not all of us (again, for lack of a better word) are bitter. To see your joy, share in that joy, gives us hope and joy.

Don't shut us out.

2 comments:

  1. Great post!

    And applauding @ Not all of us are (for lack of a better word), "haters".

    Exactly! Way too many ppl assume this about single/divorced folks, and i beg to differ, cuz none of my single friends are like this. They have always only been genuinely happy, joyful, and supportive of their friends around them. You included.

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  2. The last wedding I went to was three yrs ago when my cousin got married. I know of one wedding in Oct (somebody from college) that's the only wedding in my circle this yr. There is a baby shower every other week at work and most of the time I don't go unless they are on my team (I am anti social at work) lol

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