May 11, 2011

Taking a “Test Drive”

One of my really good friends, CJ has been single from sometime. She is a fun, spunky and outgoing Southern girl with a good heart and morals. Despite all this, she like the rest of us has been pretty unlucky in the love department.
She told me she was interested in a guy. She really liked him until he said something so remarkably stupid. She said she told him she didn’t want to just “give up the drawers” to anyone. She definitely wanted it to be special (it had been a while for her). She said the dude told her before he can decide if he can even entertain the idea of an exclusive relationship or even DATING, he has to “test drive” her sexually.
Say what??
Look, I understand that sexual compatibility is a must. But sex is pretty basic and everything can be taught or coached if you have a particular preference. But I find it totally unfair to say that a prerequisite to DATING is that you have to bump uglies.
Not cool.
I am sick and tired of HOES and Hoe behavior winning. SO you mean to tell me I have to “put out” in order for you to even consider wanting to spend time with me? And God forbid if the sex is bad, I guess I’ll just never hear from you again. What happened to courting? Do we have to just put the goods on the table in order to keep a man even remotely interested? Just so that my Friday evenings stay occupied and I’m not with my cat and a bottle of Reisling?
I thought about this today as I was eating my yummy Stonyfield Greek Yogurt and listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show. There, the dating segment featured equally yummy singer Tank and 3 bachelorettes vying for his attention and to win a luxury, all expenses paid date with him. Well…not only were these three women all high yellow (that’s another blog in itself…) they were just putting the goods all out on the table. Saying they do “lingerie flag football” and they wanted “his body on their body”. Say word? So you just lost the good sense God gave you because TANK was on the radio? I don’t give a fuck if it was Tank, Prince Harry or whoever else. You don’t have to slang the pussy up under a man’s nose, dangling it like a carrot for him to be interested! This is clearly sad and downright pathetic. They didn’t mind letting Tank “test drive” them on the first date. It was awful. Clearly they would have never picked me for that show. I mean …a brown, natural PhD student surely can’t win against a high-yellow Lingerie Flag Football playing /Print Model chick whose long term goals in life is to “treat people nice, stay positive,  and find a good relationship”.  This vapid heffa and her Miss Black America pageant answers…*smh*
I was reading The Help by Kathryn Stockton and there was a line in there that really resonated with me, because it sounded like something my own Southern mother would say. The main character, a meek and awkward (yet brilliant) woman who had been pretty annoyed with her mother, realizes that despite her mother’s faults, she gave her some sage advice.
“Don’t let him cheapen you”
Don’t let a man (or woman if that is your preference) cheapen and debase you. Don’t compromise who you are for the sake of not being alone. Don’t be some sort of “test drive” for a relationship.
 Because usually a guy who test drives rarely buys….


  1. I agree with this!!! If a woman chooses to "test the waters" on her own, that is fine - but I would really resent it if a guy made me feel like I "had" to be intimate in order for the relationship to progress. No way, Jose!

  2. I prayed the same prayer as Paula Patton and it wasn't even like I had been with a lot of men I would just rather marry v burning so to speak BUT 10 yrs came and went and my Mr right/prince charming/mr right now/mr maybe/mr anybody never came :-( I kept thinking about that during the entire movie which I so happened to love.

    I agree if you want to give it up turn it loose then by all means go for it but to try and force me you can get to stepping and men kill me acting like they all know how to put it down you may be wack and I may be leaving you behind.



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