Skip to main content

Not Broken…Not Cracked…Just Stretching



I received a valuable life lesson today from my good  friend...my sister..M. She’s wise beyond her years (she’s just a few years younger than me honestly) but I’ve always viewed her as a baby sister of sorts…that’s how it is. Sometimes a child (in the metaphorical sense) shall lead you.

Well…lately I’ve felt like I feel have an impending heartbreak coming.  What seemed like it would be magical may just go down in flames and I don’t know if I can handle it.  I mean, I’ve been divorced and to compare this is truly nothing. Yet that doesn’t negate the pain.  The inevitable ending of a possibility. The person drawing back. The person ignoring you. The person realizing they have a better option than you. The person realizing that this just won't fit into their life..their time..or their schedule.

 I saw myself possibly LOVING this person. And I don’t use that term lightly. There seems to be some distance. Some tension. Some uncertainty. And I have no reason why. I don’t know if my heart will actually break. But right now…it seems like I see some fine, hairline cracks. The kind you’d see in some old stained glass in a church window. Something is tugging at me. My heartstrings are tense..not totally broken.

I expressed this to my friends, and my little sister, M, says:

“It’s not cracked…just stretching”.

I sat there for a minute and was like..”Huh?” Me being the wise, older person should have gotten that right away.

She went on to say:
so i had some time to think on this "stretching" theory of mine.  Stretching hurts and when something stretches space is created and that can make you feel like there's a void or emptiness, or it can be a sign of increased capacity... also stretching is indication of some level of elasticity, too and i take that to be a good thing.  so what i'm saying is... you're right, your heart is not breaking.  i think it's stretching.  i think that after your divorce (which was not like lifetimes ago, it was only 3 years ago) your heart might have hardened and you're getting back out there and it's HARD.  don't let anyone ever tell you it's like riding a bike or getting back on a horse... opening your heart is HARD.  you don't just fall off, get a band-aid, or ride safer with a helmet.  and so now, with some new experiences, your heart is stretching and i don't know what else to say about the process, but the Bible does say to guard your heart, so i would just lil' sis some advice and say that even while it's stretching and it seems like there's all this space for all these new feelings, be cautious because when something is being stretched, it's vulnerable.

As I sat and read her words, tears fell from my eyes. Granted I had had a few beers on my patio listening to Fantasia’s “Bittersweet”, but I just knew she was on point. I am  trying to be vulnerable. I have no idea how to be out there with a heart that was hard. So maybe what I am feeling, this stretching is a good thing. This uncomfortable feeling that is akin to trying to break in some new shoes..I’m trying to break in a new heart. I’m stretching to make room for love. For something that will allow me to be my authentic self. I do want to be in love. I want a very passionate yet fulfilling relationship. I want to not sit here and question myself or who I am. Yes, I must learn to date again..but it doesn’t and shouldn’t be this damn hard.

Cracked…maybe. Broken…no. But stretching..most certainly.


Thanks M....

Comments

  1. I really love this stretching metaphor. It's perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  2. :-) awww... that lil sis M... you should keep her around! perhaps teach her how to cook in exchange for her sage advice??

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dating and the Dark-Skinned Girl

Often times in the circle of close bloggers, who become friends, we get into debates (albeit friendly ones) but debates nonetheless. I happened to be on my "private" blog site reading a dear friend's blog. I love her to death and she's been like a big sister to me, helping me through my divorce as a shoulder to cry on and listening ear. And although I've never met her in person...I do consider her a friend (that may sound strange to most..but it isnt to bloggers!) She's a gorgeous Black and Mexican woman..living in southern Cal and raising her teenage son amazingly! I was reading her blog...and came across this:

Ok..just a random thought... What is with the expression "LSLH?" Because it's usually used in a negative way, I'm offended by it.It irks me to no end! I mean, does it make us less of a black women because we have lighter skin and long hair? So when I read blogs or websites that use that expression, I think it's sad. So what if I&…

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex operator...my job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

The "Fleece Johnson" Guide to Dating

I am not sure if any of you saw the recent Boondocks where they spoofed prison culture and gayness. Well....if you haven't...here is a little clip of where they got their inspiration from. Fleece Johnson...the Booty Warrior... So yeah...Fleece is a little crazy..but we are about to roll with thiis for a minute. I am about to take the "Fleece Johnson" no holds barred approach to dating. If I see a dude it's going down  like this: I likes ya I wants ya We can do this the easy way Or the hard way....your choice. Now..Fleece might be talking about gay men and booty warrior and "hornin". But..I'm talking about taking the same approach to men. If I see a dude I want..I WANT HIM. Imma have him. We can play games and bullshit and do it the hard way...OR we can do it the easy way...you give in to me and my desires (and yours)..and be happy. Which would you rather have? Would you rather have to do dumb sh*t to work for a good woman? Or take an easy approach with the sam…