March 8, 2011

I Put On

Have you ever been on a date and wondered if you were at Def Comedy/Poetry jam or still in the back booth at the Olive Garden? Yeah…..who wants to relive that moment?? No one. Do you really want to be sitting across from a woman as you do your soliloquy from Othello and she has the gas face? Nah…I didn’t think so. Do you want to do stuff that is more and more awkward making you look like a jackass? Nah...I didn’t think so.
In this world of dating/mating, we are often assaulted with a barrage of images of our potential mates. Sometimes we don’t even know how to take it. It is as if someone left the IPod on “shuffle” the entire time in our heads.  We complain that a person often comes to the table with their “representative”, the man/woman that we THINK you’d like or be attracted to. Yes, in general, we hate that.
However, you may want to scale back your “real” self for a little while. Because a date is not a performance.
No, this isn’t to say that you need to indeed come as a “representative”. But, dude, you do not have to “put on” for a chick. Be 100-watts for amped up mojo for a girl to like you! Just be you, but tone it down.  We understand that men are indeed peacocks and are trying to “show out” for a female, but you don’t have to spread your feathers wide for us to take notice.
What I’m saying is…dating isn’t performance art. Try and read someone’s energy before you go into your best Kat Williams. You also don’t have to come with your best Denzel either.  If we’ve said we like communication and you and Ma Bell are BFF’s…then that may be an issue.  When you pick up the phone, you don't have to go int your well-rehearsed act. It seems fake and disingenuous. There is such thing as balance. And we singles appreciate it.
I can only speak for women….we like smooth...but putting on your best Billy Dee ALL the time raises red flags as if you are a player (and you may not be). We like to laugh…but telling us every joke you’ve heard or funny story makes us think you have no depth or substance.  I know we women are complicated..we say we want one thing..and when we get it…we complain. Oh, we want it..but we don’t want it ALL AT ONCE! That’s like sensory overload!
Conversely, I’ve heard my guy friends say...”Yeah...We want sexy but if you putting em on the glass at every date, we are going to think you are doing too much” or “I want a submissive woman but if she’s being a doormat from date 1…how on earth does she expect me to respect her?”
Yeah...that’s it...”You doing WAY too much” pretty much sums it all up.
You don’t have to put on.
Just be you J (just a little more toned down)

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