March 31, 2011

I Had to Miserably Fail at Love

... to love someone better.

I was listening to the new Marsha Ambrosious and her remake of L. Boogie's "Lose Myself" is about as poetic a song as ever and spoke so much to me.


**Disclaimer: I'm not in love. Not by a LONG shot**

But I took the lyrics to mean so much more than actually "losing yourself in love", falling in love and being hurt to actually love someone better. I took it to mean that I had to be an ABSOLUTE FAILURE in love to love someone better. I mean, what greater failure of love is a DIVORCE. I can't imagine that kind of pain happening to me again. I am relatively young woman. To be divorced twice, I can't even and don't want to imagine.

As I enter a new phase in my dating/relationship life (and another year of life, God willing), I know that the pain of my divorce has made me a better lover in the emotional sense. If you release it [pain], you can receive it [love].  There is a beauty in that. I'm grateful for having gone through the fire and came out fashioned better. Not harder. Not bitter. Not colder.

And perhaps someone will reap the benefits of this struggle.

My friends say they "admire my strength". I feel it's nothing to admire. It is just a woman doing what she had to do given the circumstances of life. I'm not martyr. I am not poster child for how divorce can be life-transforming. I'm just living the best way I know how.

Now in addition to living, I'm opening myself at the possibilities of loving (or at least caring).

And that....is a WIN indeed :)

4 comments:

  1. Well I think with your positive attitude, anything is possible! I guess as they say, what doesn't break us makes us stronger... and better. And you're living proof of that.

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  2. I've never heard of the song, but I have heard of the artist. Not a fan, though I believe this to be a good rendition.

    I too have friends and family that claim to admire my strength. Like yourself, I hear 'em, yet I hardly understand the admiration.

    Just a brother trying hard to survive and enjoy life, regardless of whatever obstacles are thrown into my path and direction.

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  3. Not a fan of Marsha?? WHAT DON! Unreal..she's amazing!!

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  4. I love Marsha's version of this! All the best as you find your love.

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