Skip to main content

6 Revelations on Why I'll No Longer Date

Commuting to work today...listening to my IPod...I had a revelation on why I'm FINALLY ok with not dating and why Men in this city won’t date me:

1) I am saving money. LOTS of it. I don’t have to spend money on pedis, manis and all that extras like new outfits when I have dates...trying to impress some ridiculous bama who doesn’t care less. Furthermore, dudes expect YOU to come out the pocket a lot. And while I don’t mind doing that we get to know each other...I don’t like doing that off the bat. Period. I’m old-fashioned. I can save money on my damn groceries cause your pooh butt ass won’t be sitting on my couch, eating my damn snacks.

2) Men don’t want to date me because I have no car. In this city, that's a requirement. I keep bringing it up (I know you are tired of hearing it) but I get tired of dudes saying I live so far (yet I live 6 miles from downtown..THEY live far). They are used to girls meeting them in places for dates and etc. Coming to THEIR house (which I wouldn’t do IF I had a car). That's cool. By the time I get a car next semester *crossing fingers*, I won’t even want to meet anyone or go anywhere but home and class *smh* But long gone are the days when a man met you at the door. Guys have told me girls don’t even want to come to a man's door...they'll wait in the car until you are ready to go.

3) Men expect sex off the bat and I'm just not that interested in sex to even want it from some new, stranger person. I just don’t want to get to know anyone's likes or dislikes...or have then fuck up my mood w/ their lack of skills.

4) Aesthetics are still important.  This is "Black Hollywood" I'm not built like a Magic City Dancer. I'm rather boxy if I say so myself, but I'm OK with me (until I get this cash to have plastic surgery) got to accept me for who I am RIGHT NOW. Men I think are rather turned off. And if some like 18 year old fools out in public can LOUDLY say within earshot "She got a big stomach" or "She ain't got no ass"....then obviously it's an issue. If I go out with my friend who's face isn’t all that, but her ass is huge...of COURSE she gets more attention than I do. Fine dudes trying to holler.........I'm just sitting there. Oh well. I can’t change who I am (again...until I get some surgery). Brothers are not big fans of boobs....they just aren’t. White guys, if I could find one, would love them. I have natural hair. I def am not changing that. And if a comedian on twitter can say stuff like "Who told women that nappy headed was sexy?" or Steve Harvey can tell a chick she won’t get a man w/ natural hair… then there is some truth to men not digging the natural hair. You need the weave done, hair long, silky (real or not), tons of makeup, lots of nails done, lashes on...body like a Luke dancer....stilettos on in the club. I don’t have all of that. I do my thing but I’m def not over the top with it.

5) No man will understand why my mother and I are so close...why relationship with my family is important…why I would rather hang w/ her than anyone else... Or why I'm not angry about being divorced. Men are baffled that I'm not angry. *smh* I don’t have time to live like that

6) The excuse of being in school is perfect for me. It makes me realize that I don’t have time...and I don’t want to make time. You do need a supportive partner and I don't see some new dude being that. AND...I've been in school 2 weeks...and aside from the scrawny bama I see every day in the Law Building...all the brothers are too young.

Yep..that's it so far. I'm sure there will be a Part II to this....


  1. Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl, you need to move up north. Black men love them some boobs and White men love them some chocolate. Be YOU, no matter who likes it or doesn't.

  2. here's yet another reason dating in Atlanta is so impossible: women make an average of 121% more than their male counterparts.


  3. First off, glad you're back!!!

    Secondly, I think I'm agreeing with Lynn. Omg! I can't imagine a dude up here preferring an average/unattractive girl with a huge behind over a gorgeous dime-piece whose behind isn't that round. That sounds ridiculous to me. But then, I'm thinking of D's colleagues - corporate types who want a pretty and educated lady to bring to events and around the boss... who would look nice in a cocktail dress and carry herself with class. A big booty just isn't a requirement for that.... and at the end of the day, a big booty doesn't necessarily present well at corporate events. What a shame. (Like, I'm really thinking about all the wives of his friends.... and none of them have phat arses).

    I definitely feel you on the saving money - dating is EXPENSIVE! Even if you did find these sweet, chivalrous gentleman who were willing to pay for every date.... as you indicated, having to do all the self-care stuff (hair, nails, outfits) is still gonna get pricey.

    A hiatus isn't bad, while you focus on school.... as long as there are plans to return at some point, right? I say take your time and when you feel up to it you can return to the scene.

  4. You take of you, especially when you're in school. And I feel you on the aesthetics piece. I'm finally getting to a point where the me I see is the me it's going to be ('til I get that surgery, too, but that's another story). Men are fickle folks -- I've got an older brother who uses me as a sounding board for his adventures in dating --but so long as you love you, the rest is background noise.

  5. Men in the south and men up north aren't much different. Or am I in the midwest? lol However I feel this post 100%. I'm a pretty, dark skin chick, with a big booty and nice size boobies, educated with kids and yet I'm single because I have standards. Seems like the men corporate or blue collar want to take me to the office outings but want to spend most of their time with the chicks for All Stars (stip club). I just don't get it. So I guess I'm there with you; not dating aint so bad and I can't worry too much about it.

    This goes without saying, you're beautiful inside and out lady!

  6. Aesthetics and the black girl is a funny thing. I won't get into it, but I'm happy to be nappy. Many Northern Europeans (IMO, they are some of the hottest men, LOL!) love it and find it exotic anyway so if I can attract them without having to bust out a weave or fake nails then I'm down with that.

    As for school, yep, totally eats up any time to date. You have to be a master of time to fit dates in and play the poor card to get the date to foot the bill ;-)

  7. Wow. See, this is why I enjoy reading your blog entries. You serve it up raw and unapologetically, giving the reader to look withn their ownselves and truly discuss everything being said. Being a man, I cannot really add any worthwhile dialogue ... just want to say that I lived in the Stone Mountain area for six years (somewhat married) and all I saw, besides many of the things stated, were men who rushed to stick d*ck in the much younger women, as well as older sophiscated women paying handsomely for hood d*ck. So, yes, it's going down.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…