(image from ClipArt.com)
"What about the man?", he said
"Huh?? What about the guy??" I shrug..slowly chewing my steak.
"What if HE wants a wedding??? What if he wants that experience?", he said as he raised an eyebrow.
"Wow..well I never thought ouf that...". I went silent.
"Yes. What if he wants his family and friends to experience that? It doesn't have to be all big and extravagant. Something small and intimate, even?, he declared.
I was sitting there in shock. Finally I said, "So...Men want weddings?? Hmpf..."
"Yes...if he's never been married.... He wants that "feeling" too. Why are you punishing the next guy for something someone else did? Or turned you off from?", he said it kinda low, taking another bite of his chicken.
I sat dumbfounded across from my guy friend at our nice, intimate dinner. We had been having a conversation about marriage, brought on mostly by our 20 year old waitress who was newly engaged. But there were vast differences between me and my friend. I am 32, divorced. He is 37, never been married, and may have come close once. Even though we are relatively in the same age group, we are worlds apart.
I looked at his face after he said it. Kind and sincere, I smiled. I had a revelation that instant. Some men actually care about the wedding....and it's not about the details. It's about the "feeling".
I remembered when I was planning my wedding, all the cash and drama. Families wanting to out do each other in the "spending" department. My ex husband, only caring about few details and if his boys could be drunk enough.. Although I didn't go into debt over my wedding, I felt it was all too much. I felt like after the divorce, those thousands of dollars that I spent could have been saved up for other things. I think the divorce created the biggest reget....I would noteven considering another wedding. I declared right then and there on the courthouse steps post-Divorce that I'd NEVER shell out cash for another wedding...another dress...not a damn thing. It's justice of the peace or a destination wedding or pastor's study...nothing else. Who has time for that crap?
"It's not fair to the next man..Why are you punishing him for something someone else did?". When he said that, I sat up straight and I'm sure a puzzled look appeared on my face. I didn't think to consider the guy's feelings. I mean, what man cares about weddings and frills and details? But it wasn't about that. It's about the feeling. It's about seeing your bride walk down the aisle and crying., knowing that she's yours to have and to hold (forever...in the best possible scenario). I forgot that a man may also have a family who wants to see him happy. They want to see him marry the love of his life. Not to mention, they want to see what kind of "stock" this girl entering their family comes from. More than anything, they want to rejoice in someone's happiness. And a man has a right to feel that too.
We all think of little girls who imagine their wedding day...the dress..the decor..everything. Well..what about the guy? They think about how the bride will look....first dances....going under and getting the garter. That doesn't make him "weird" or "soft" if he daydreams. That makes me him sorta romantic. That makes a guy human...to know he has feelings. One of my girlfriend's husband was so into the wedding..and wedding planning...she called him a co-bride. (lol). Now that may be taking it a bit far...but that goes to show that men do care about the little things.
"You know..you are right. I didn't think about it like that. Thanks for bringing a new perspective to that. Maybe if that day comes again, I'll consider it..."
He smiled, and said politely "You're welcome."
...and we finished dinner, learning more about each other in the end.