Skip to main content

Turn the Lights Down Low

Touch me here… there
Uhmmm...that feels good.
No...stop…not at THIS angle. don’t like how I look in this light…
Turn the lights the way off…

We have all been there. We meet a guy. We date for a while...and finally…tonight is the night. You put on your sexiest lingerie. You oil up your body. You spray the expensive perfume. You make sure you are waxed/shaved/plucked and your toes are painted the most luscious, suckable shade. You are perfecting your make-up in your favorite shade of MAC. All is going well until…..

You look in a mirror. Oh god! Those stretch marks on my butt. My stomach is hanging over my thong. I have that scar on my thigh when I fell of my bike when I was 12. Jesus..should he really SEE me like this?

Thus begins the self-doubt and self consciousness that comes with sex. We all get like that a time or two. One area or another of our body makes us rethink the “getting wild and kinky” part. Maybe he won’t like my legs? Or maybe my breasts are too small?

Ladies: MEN DON’T CARE. If they are about to get you in the bed at this point, they must like something about you. If they are a descent guy who likes you for you (and not your sex potential), then your little scars, stretch marks, and extra pooch isn’t going to bother them so much. We are so used to viewing ourselves in a certain way..we get blinded by it.Men do NOT see what we see.

This topic came about talking to my girlfriend Cee. Surprisingly, I am quite self conscious in social settings. If I was in a room full of men, I’d probably be chilled, reserved, relaxed and sipping my wine in a corner. BUT in the bedroom, I am my most confident and sexy self. I can do absolutely no wrong when I have sex. I am a goddess. A queen. All my reservations and inhibitions are gone. My legs are taut and lean. My breasts sit up perky. My skin glows a golden-mocha brown. My face is beautiful when I orgasm. I feel great until…..

I take one look at my butt. I wasn’t born with the atypical “black girl butt”. I am flat as I don’t know what! Blame my white great-grandfather. BUT…I don’t let that stop me. I say to myself “If he wants me..he has to accept ALL of me. Lack of ample rump and all! Thank GOD I was born with a gorgeous face and ample bosom to make up for that”. LOL. But in all seriousness, I don’t let that stop me. I have scars from an tragic accident on my stomach and left arm. I have surgical scars from gallbladder removal. I have stretch marks. My left boob is bigger than the right. BUT..all of that goes out the window when I’m confident and sexy in my sexual confidence.

So next time…keep the lights on….face the mirror (ooooh...kinky).…and make love in all your CURRENT glory.


  1. Ive made love with the lights one once or twice. It does take a lot to actually do it. I too worry about how i look and how he will see my imperfections... but when it comes down to it.. he knows those imperfections and embraces them and me the same. Now.. its lights on shades wide open :)

  2. darkskinlady1/5/10, 4:44 PM

    you know whats funny, I dont think I have been self conscience about my body when with a man since I was a virgin. and even then I cant really say that I was. I think the most self conscience I was, was when I had larger breasts because these jokers were just too damn big for my little ass body! I have hellafied scars from the surgery because black skin is prone to keloids and well, im a good dark one! I always believed that if a man was attracted to me then that meant he was attracted to my body and therefore there was no need for me to worry about that. Plus I love sex so Im quick to let some inhibitions go! Im more worried about what we do OUTSIDE the bedroom then in the bedroom because Im most confident about my sex. Im more worried about how he perceives me as a potential wife, friend, confidant or in general as a person! But when the light go out (or stay on for that matter), HUNNY, I forget all about those scars from surgery. Working on my body is about me and what I want to look like for me! Exercise is essential to my well being and if I dont take care of me then hell, who else will. Do it for yourself and confidence will always be there regardless of a scar, stretchmark or whatever.

  3. darkskinlady1/5/10, 4:54 PM

    and I dont have much tail myself but squats and lunges are the shyat!!! over time, your butt plumps out. It may not come off ya back like you came from the motherland but that bad boy will be just enough for a small handful!!

  4. I LOVE THIS! I love your blog! I love how you keep it real and say what everybody is thinking but too afriad to say. You need to write a book, I'd be first in line. You are so right, men could care less...Well a REAL man doesn't... I think they are more attracted to the swag and confidence of a woman...and of course the technique!! LOL!

  5. Cruising the cyberworld and landed here via The Prissy Mommy Chronicles. I love this article, a co-worker and I were have a conversation similiar to this a few weeks ago. As we woman we are always our worse critics, we are all uniquely designed and life happens along the way. Along my way came stretch marks and scars from my younger years but at some point I had embrace them all. And your are so right men don't care one way or the other so you might as well enjoy sex any way you like, lights on or off. Love your body for what it is and a real man will embrace flaws and all.

  6. Awesome post! ITA! I will admit that it took me a LONG time to get to this level of confidence/comfort (I'm talking last few years of my life), but when you're finally there it feels so freeing/empowering. To me, it is only then that you can fully enjoy the experience and intimacy of making love.

  7. Okay, I don't know why I didn't put it together that the MochaPeach was you! When I saw your profile pic, I was like, "Waiiiiiiit!! I know that face!" I've been reading, but I'm terrible about leaving comments. I have enjoyed what I've read -- especially this one. I like the lights off and my contacts out. That way, everything has soft, blurry edges LOL!

  8. @ Hilary...LMAO "soft and blurry edges"....


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

Desperate Times, Drastic Measures!

Hey Folks!

I know.. I have skipped a couple of weeks already! BUT in my defense, having a sick toddler will wear you out... and family really is important.

That being said... I've gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. I've had a physical, which has made me reassess  my life. I have more appointments on the books than I care for just to make sure I am doing ok. I don't want to go into anything as to alarm folks, but I do want to keep on trucking and this is all part of being proactive. I'm still in the gym but not really seeing much progress. I am sure it has something to do with my eating. It isn't that I eat bad.. I just do not eat enough to burn off the fat . I have to meal plan better..

This is where Pinterest comes in....I have tons and tons of food options saved. I figure I can do weekly "sheet pan" meals for my meal planning.. and then shop for the week. I normally I am a "once a month" grocery shopper... but I think that's g…