Skip to main content

What I'm NOT Having in 2010

So one of my girlfriend sent me a video of yet another sad, depressing video on why a large portion of black women are single..something from Nightline on ABC

I, for one, am SICK OF IT! I cant take it. If i see one more report on why we are single, I am going to fucking SCREAM! Im not going to take it! I'm not going to feed into this bullshit. IT'S BULLSHIT! I'm not going to believe that a bevy of well educated black women should be PUNISHED by spinsterhood for being goal-oriented! I'm not having it! I'm not taking it. T hey say "lower your standards" WHY??? WHITE girls dont lower their standards ! FUCK THAT! I dont have a long list of "must haves". BUT...I can tell you what I'm NOT having in 2010!

No more Greeks/Masons (As a member of a sorority, I KNOW first hand how men/frat boys take advantage of BONDS..they think it's instant PUSSY access! IT's NOT!)
No men who own more sneakers than suits/dress shoes
No more uneducated men (Must have SOME kind of education)
No unemployed men who are using that as an excuse NOT to be a gentleman
No short men
No fat men
No men who are ambigiously "gay"
No dudes with locs/cornrows
No dudes with kids (as in more than 1)
No men under age 35. (We rolling with 35-40 ONLY....45 would be pushing it...but eh)
No "ultra fine" men who feel themselves
No serial texters
No men who don't read or keep up w/ current events.
No men who WONT take you on a date.
No bitter/jaded dudes who blame women for their problems
No men who want are into random "Sexting" and "private photo ops" and "phone sex"....go get a PORNO
No men who wanna hit and run
No men who wanna hit after the first date.
No more unattractive men. I cant lower my standards anymore
No more men who KNOW they are fine...come down a notch.
No men who FAKE sincerity.
No men who aren't into serious relationships, and who are just "WEIGHING OPTIONS" OR "juggling their options"
No men who want to keep you as a "back pocket option"...checking on you periodically to see if you are single or not. GO AWAY.
No men who don't return your call in a timely manner. I mean.. a few hours after cool..a few DAYS (unless ure dead or had a family emergency.....) WTF!
No men who wanna sit up here and eat all my fucking food in my house....and DONT want to take me out on a date.
No men who treats you like he doesn't give a shit...because he probably doesn't give a shit.
No men who are hung up on thier ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, or baby mama's
No men who use romance as a bargaining chip.
No men who bore me to death.
No men who use romance as a pawn..and dangle "relationship" with the notion of "friends with benefits" in front of it.
No men who use "ambiguous" terms with me....
No men who speak bad about their mothers...or God...or interchange the mix of bitch/hoe/trick in their vocabulary as substitutes for women
No more coming over after midnight...
No one who doesn't appreciate my appearance because the locs..the skin complexion...the lack of's not gonna change.
No more men who view me as "unfinished business".....No. In 2010...I won't be someone's "unfinished business"...I will strive to be someone's "answered destiny"

......If you say I'll be alone after this. So be it. If you say I'm going to be a statstic. Fine. Because I'm not having it in 2010


  1. Dern, those women were gorgeous and accomplished. That video was on the discouraging side but I'm glad it hasn't made you feel like you need to lower your standards and/or settle. In the end, I think most people end up with who they're supposed to be with - whether he's white/black/asian/hispanic/etc. Its just frustrating that it seems to take longer for "us" than our white counterparts. *smh* The onus is on me and Derek to make sure Chase is a good, decent man who makes a good, decent woman his wife at a respectable age. I sure hope he values committment/monogamy/and the sanctity of marriage like I do. *sigh*


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…