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If We Had Meddling Mothers...

I was reflecting more on the plight of the African American community and our lack of healthy, whole families. I, too, realize I am part of the problem. I’m a statistic.. But…I digress.

My friend Cee told me something earlier this week about how other cultures make it their duty, their obligation, to make sure that their kids find a mate. Her example was about the Jewish community and how mother’s (and fathers too) are vigilant about finding a mate for their child. If they don’t, they feel that they are a failure as a parent (and sometimes as grandparents). And aside from communities that participate in arranged marriages, there are other cultures that take it upon themselves to find their kids a mate. She was also saying that Asian parents search tirelessly in their communities for a mate. They stop at nothing and ask everyone if they have a free cousin/brother/sister/neice/nephew/grandson/granddaughter/godchild that is single and available as a partner for their child.

We don’t do that in our community. (In Africa...yes...In America/UK…not so much). Often times, we find that our mothers and fathers are “meddling” in our affairs and love lives. We say it is none of their business. When in fact, it is their business to see you happy. The job of a parent is not done. They want to see their bloodlines continue. They want to see their kids happy and whole. What if we as a community did that? Would things be different? Would we have these paltry marriage and out of wedlock statistics?? Would black women be crying about “where is my prince”? Would men be out here with an endless parade of women?

I can tell you for a fact: My mother has NEVER been wrong about a mate I brought home. If she liked them, she liked them. If she hated them, she let them know. We need more parents like her. She never went as far as try to set me up with dates. But as I’ve been divorced, she’s made her feelings known and has been really vocal about my dating behavior. I do listen. I respect her opinion. I’d even let her set me up on a date. True, my mother isn’t quite keen on the sex appeal factor, but she does think about my needs. It’s not about money…or what he does…etc. It’s a lot deeper things my mother looks at. She has a discernment I respect…which brings me to today.

Today, she came to my house and basically yelled and screamed her opinion and called me some choice words. She was angry with something she was observing. And let her true feelings me known. I was shocked and even laughed because I had never seen her “go off’ like this. But...she was just being an advocate for her child. You need that in your corner. Male or Female. Whether it is a father or a mother, you need someone who is looking our for you. Not only do YOU need it, but our community needs it.

Would you let your parents advocate for a mate for you? Set you up on dates? Do you think this is out of date?


  1. i asked my parents to arrange my marriage when i was 12. i hope they don't think i was joking.

  2. I must have had a super meddling mama. She was always up in my grill. I love her for it now. Then... Well, if I knew then what I know now right?
    No, it is not out of date. It is something of the past, but it does need to be revitalized. Women need to teach their princesses the way of being a queen and accepting nothing but, a true prince.
    My daughter is 12 and you better believe I am and am going to continue to be all up in her grill and business and everything else. I refuse to let me princess fall through the cracks just because I was not on my game. Of course, you can steer them all day and they can still fall by the wayside but, it's not going to be a a easy fall.
    And sista, you better believe I am going to be right there to pick her up if she does.

  3. When I moved out of my parents house to go to college, they stopped telling me how they felt about boyfriends, in fact I never told them anything about anyone, until I begin dating a guy seriously . Years later I met and married my now husband and they told me (funny enough this year) that they never liked the boyfriend I was serious with and was glad that I had married now husband. Well they liked the boyfriend enough, but just not for me. I was like damn.. why didn’t you speak up when I was talking to the guy. I wasted 3 years on this dude. My father replied that them expressing their disapproval would only push me further into the guy’s arms…. And they couldn’t take that chance. Interesting.

  4. I love this article because it gets me to thinking if it was like that in our culture.

    I would let my mom set me up and I may need to bring this up to my mommy tonight and I know she gets upset with me on my choices of men but we think we are grown and we know what we are doing. LOL

    I am and will listen more to my mommy. I respect her a great deal and I know that she loves me and wants nothing but the Best for me.
    Thank you for this article....


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