The New (Unspoken) Rules of Dating: An Observational Study in Male Behavior

As I enter my first full year as a divorcee, I have encountered some rather strange habits of the new breed of male species. Here is my run-down of my observational exploits in the dating world



1) The Phone Call Is Obsolete- Remember the days when your heart raced after you gave a guy number? And you waited by the phone for that all important “first phone conversation”? Well…gone are those days! They don’t talk on the phone. They say stuff like “I’m just not a phone person” or “I’d rather be hands-free”. Men don’t talk on the phone at all….which leads me to my next point….



2) The TEXT has replaced Human Communication- Instead of getting that first phone call; you get the “first text”. WTF! You can’t call and say sweet nothings? Instead, men want to have lengthy conversations via text. They even take out all of the fun of being sexy and alluring by instantly asking for “pics” and sending dirty texts along with their LOL smiley faces. They want to ask you out via text! Damn you SMS! You are ruining human contact!



3) First Dates now consist of “chilling”- Uhm…so a “first date” now is going to a girl’s house (or she coming to yours) and just sitting there…eating up all HER food…laying around on HER COUCH...and possibly having sex. Damn, you could at least bring a $1 movie from the Redbox and some take out! What happened to the creativity of the first date? A cool sporting event? A nice, quiet restaurant. I know there is a recession in place right now but creativity does not have to cost a ton of cash.



4) Can you at least take me out before you (attempt to) get some ass? - We all have needs. We are sexual creatures. But men feel as though they need little or no effort to get the panties...They want it JUST because they are men. What happened to proper courting and patience? What happened to getting to know a girl? You may be sleeping with a psycho and not know it. You don’t want one night to have you end up on Maury. And when they DO get the ass, they are running in and out. (Mysteriously, those cell phone calls that they don’t take…they are taking them!) And taking me out to some run-down dive is NOT a proper date. ONE date...doesn’t mean you get the keys to the kingdom.



5) Men have no idea how to prioritize- If they have kids...It’s all about the kids and there leaves no room for you. If they are about work, then you will take a back seat. I was told that if a man wants you, he will make time for you. Often times, men will have you fit in a small part of their lives. They run in and out and thus your place in their lives isn’t a priority.



6) There are too many options- Men (esp. single, black, attractive and educated men) know they are a hot commodity. There are more of US and less of them. Playing the field becomes more attractive. Being “the old man in the club” isn’t so bad and the idea of a relationship is more like a noose around their necks. The media feeds them the idea that they can land a young chick at any time. They don’t want to be tied down and some are quite bold.



7) Lying to yourself is not fooling me- True, I live in ATL and people feel it’s synonymous with “down-low” and “swinger” behavior. But, this type of lying and scheming doesn’t only apply to the down low lifestyle. I’ve ran across married men who freely cheat (AND don’t hide the fact that they are married), men who have “unusual” sexual proclivities, and folks with questionable motives. Sad part is, they aren’t really hiding like they used to.



8) There is no romance- It literally died. No sweet notes. No flowers. Nothing. They want maximum output (i.e. sex) for minimal effort or no effort at all. A girl likes to be courted. We aren’t looking for Prince Charming just a gentleman. We don’t want to be rescued, just appreciated. And as the old adage says “Women need romance for sex; Men need sex for romance”. Yet sex does not equal romance, either. You get bored after a while.



9) Do you know the word “share”? - In a conversation w/ a prospective beau, it’s about sharing. You want to know any and everything about that person. But nowadays, guys withhold so much. It’s like pulling teeth to get to know someone. It’s crazy. Like they have no social skills whatsoever. I’m an engaging person. When I am into someone, I love talking to them. It hurts when someone doesn’t want to share with you. You don’t have to be 100% transparent of the jump, but being willing to be open helps. Conversely…



10) Sometimes Men are Doing “The Most”- And apparently women are supposed to take it and/or like it. You have guys who have no idea what “pacing” is-you know, taking things easy. They do WAY too much, way too soon. They share WAY too much, way too soon. They text you TOO much. They call you TOO MUCH. They just act WAY too thirsty for attention, sex, and companionship. No..I don’t want to go home to Thanksgiving to meet your Nana! YES, we are all a little lonely, but coming across as desperate and a bit “stalkerish” gets you nowhere. You don’t get “boyfriend” status after a few dates. Just because we had sex, doesn’t mean you have any claims on me. Just CHILL...take it slow (but not TOO slow)..and it’ll be alright. Goodness!