Skip to main content

Pretty Empty Boxes.

My friend (who shall remain nameless) convinced me to, JUST for a short time, and JUST for the New YEar, rejoin a dating site. She joined one too....

I hate to sound bourgie....but...I've noticed that I've had to "dumb myself down" on websites. If I say I am getting a PhD or work in the field that I do....most dudes are confused...or say crazy stuff like.." that the highest degree right?" or.."What u gonna do? Work in a hospital?" or.... just any bevy of things that show me you have no understanding.

I know most of the world isn't as well-read or educated. But at the sake of my sanity, is it wrong of me to ask that a person at least be well educated. As in went to college. Or something of that sort that may have garnered them an accredited degree... I hate having to explain myself...or my goals...or my experiences.

In this respect..Ralph Richard Banks is right. Most African-American men do no have college degrees, so I shouldn't expect them to understand my dedication go education, my job, or goals or what a PhD even stands for. This isnt to say that there are some w/o degrees who are smart and know...(people DO read..I am aware)...but it would be nice, for once, to not have to explain myself or my passionate pursuits of education to men.  I need to go for the guy, regardless of race, who has my same LIFE experiences and can at least understand them. No...he doesn't have to have a Phd..but he mot certainly would have to know what it is...

Men can hit you with all the "Dman baby you so fine" talk...but have a little substance and they glaze over. Some might argue "Well..those dudes want booty anyway"...but it's not just's the more "educated" dudes too. They just want a pretty little fill with lies and foolishness.

Im starting to think that Smart isnt sexy anymore. Or was it EVER sexy? You dont see the scientists of the world winning...with the cute dude on their arm (and yes..there are dimepiece scientists in this doubt...) . NOPE...It's the empty, bobble-head Kim K's of the world. Men want vapid and transparent...if not obtuse...couple with killer curves. (See..and I used  "big" words too....oh yeah...I'n doomed.)

In that world, where does that leave me? Sure I'm attractive to some...but I'm a complete and utter NERDY GEEKY GAL.... Smart and Pretty don't always go together...and in most dating scenarios it doesn't. I can talk about sports, StarTrek (Deep Space 9 vs Next Generation), my fav comics, reality TV, something by Chaucer, hip hop....all in one single conversation. I thought I was being well-rounded. I had no idea that would be a detriment to my dating pool.

So do you all think it's true? Do men want arm candy? Or want a girl with SOME smarts OR may want a girl with smarts...but not a LOT of it?


  1. lol @ the title of this blog post.

    I agree, its so important to find a partner with whom you're equally yoked.

    I find that most men want both - at least for the long haul. Pretty and empty is cool to date, but when they settle down to marry someone and raise a family, they want a woman whose gonna be able to be a partner to them - financially, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, etc. Who wants to grow old together with an airhead. Thats so boring, right?


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

Dating and the Dark-Skinned Girl

Often times in the circle of close bloggers, who become friends, we get into debates (albeit friendly ones) but debates nonetheless. I happened to be on my "private" blog site reading a dear friend's blog. I love her to death and she's been like a big sister to me, helping me through my divorce as a shoulder to cry on and listening ear. And although I've never met her in person...I do consider her a friend (that may sound strange to most..but it isnt to bloggers!) She's a gorgeous Black and Mexican in southern Cal and raising her teenage son amazingly! I was reading her blog...and came across this:

Ok..just a random thought... What is with the expression "LSLH?" Because it's usually used in a negative way, I'm offended by it.It irks me to no end! I mean, does it make us less of a black women because we have lighter skin and long hair? So when I read blogs or websites that use that expression, I think it's sad. So what if I&…

The "Fleece Johnson" Guide to Dating

I am not sure if any of you saw the recent Boondocks where they spoofed prison culture and gayness. Well....if you haven' is a little clip of where they got their inspiration from. Fleece Johnson...the Booty Warrior... So yeah...Fleece is a little crazy..but we are about to roll with thiis for a minute. I am about to take the "Fleece Johnson" no holds barred approach to dating. If I see a dude it's going down  like this: I likes ya I wants ya We can do this the easy way Or the hard way....your choice. Now..Fleece might be talking about gay men and booty warrior and "hornin". But..I'm talking about taking the same approach to men. If I see a dude I want..I WANT HIM. Imma have him. We can play games and bullshit and do it the hard way...OR we can do it the easy give in to me and my desires (and yours)..and be happy. Which would you rather have? Would you rather have to do dumb sh*t to work for a good woman? Or take an easy approach with the sam…