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Pretty Empty Boxes.

My friend (who shall remain nameless) convinced me to, JUST for a short time, and JUST for the New YEar, rejoin a dating site. She joined one too....

I hate to sound bourgie....but...I've noticed that I've had to "dumb myself down" on websites. If I say I am getting a PhD or work in the field that I do....most dudes are confused...or say crazy stuff like.." that the highest degree right?" or.."What u gonna do? Work in a hospital?" or.... just any bevy of things that show me you have no understanding.

I know most of the world isn't as well-read or educated. But at the sake of my sanity, is it wrong of me to ask that a person at least be well educated. As in went to college. Or something of that sort that may have garnered them an accredited degree... I hate having to explain myself...or my goals...or my experiences.

In this respect..Ralph Richard Banks is right. Most African-American men do no have college degrees, so I shouldn't expect them to understand my dedication go education, my job, or goals or what a PhD even stands for. This isnt to say that there are some w/o degrees who are smart and know...(people DO read..I am aware)...but it would be nice, for once, to not have to explain myself or my passionate pursuits of education to men.  I need to go for the guy, regardless of race, who has my same LIFE experiences and can at least understand them. No...he doesn't have to have a Phd..but he mot certainly would have to know what it is...

Men can hit you with all the "Dman baby you so fine" talk...but have a little substance and they glaze over. Some might argue "Well..those dudes want booty anyway"...but it's not just's the more "educated" dudes too. They just want a pretty little fill with lies and foolishness.

Im starting to think that Smart isnt sexy anymore. Or was it EVER sexy? You dont see the scientists of the world winning...with the cute dude on their arm (and yes..there are dimepiece scientists in this doubt...) . NOPE...It's the empty, bobble-head Kim K's of the world. Men want vapid and transparent...if not obtuse...couple with killer curves. (See..and I used  "big" words too....oh yeah...I'n doomed.)

In that world, where does that leave me? Sure I'm attractive to some...but I'm a complete and utter NERDY GEEKY GAL.... Smart and Pretty don't always go together...and in most dating scenarios it doesn't. I can talk about sports, StarTrek (Deep Space 9 vs Next Generation), my fav comics, reality TV, something by Chaucer, hip hop....all in one single conversation. I thought I was being well-rounded. I had no idea that would be a detriment to my dating pool.

So do you all think it's true? Do men want arm candy? Or want a girl with SOME smarts OR may want a girl with smarts...but not a LOT of it?


  1. lol @ the title of this blog post.

    I agree, its so important to find a partner with whom you're equally yoked.

    I find that most men want both - at least for the long haul. Pretty and empty is cool to date, but when they settle down to marry someone and raise a family, they want a woman whose gonna be able to be a partner to them - financially, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, etc. Who wants to grow old together with an airhead. Thats so boring, right?


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