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The Proto"Type"

I sat here…had a flashback…

Since turning 30, I ‘ve started to enjoy some simple pleasures. One of which was my Real Simple magazine. I turn and read the very “adult” tips for around the house and recipes, clipping them and stuff like my Mother. The May issue was particularly good. It also featured some hot summer outfits..including bikinis.

Recently, I sat on my couch flipping through the magazine, the guy I was seeing at the time, was peeking at the issue. I saw him out the side of my eye, thinking to myself “He must want some recipes”…and I started chuckling internally.

When I got to the bikini section, his eyes perked up. Of course they would, he’s a man. I turned to a picture of this curvy Latina (or something..) in a bikini. This exact picture actually:

He looked over and said.. ”Hmm…I like that. That’s what I like. I like her”.

Say what???

I cut him a side-eye so hard it would probably cut an artery in his neck cause I surely wanted to throat chop that bastard.  That didn’t really matter cause dude was salivating like a sheep dog. That should have been my sign to run. Instead I fumed silently.

There are certain rules that men need to follow. One of which is not actually VERBALLY saying that another woman is “what you like” or "hot" or whatver. How does that make me feel? Sure, men look at other women. They aren’t dead.  We might even agree that a chick is bad. But you definitely don’t have to be overly enthusiastic about your appreciation for other female forms. You don’t have to be overly stimulated and rude.

But at the same time, it was deeper than just finding a woman attractive.

I looked at the picture. Then looked at him.

Dude...Why the fuck are you even here???

Inside I was furious.  I know you’ve date a Latina..a Korean…and everything in between before you met Nubian me. But…You are sitting here next to a girl who damn sure isn’t some airbrushed, long haired Latina with a curvy shape and abs that you are lusting for. I’m me. Flaws and all. Either you like me or you don’t…and you need to evaluate why you are even dealing with me. Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t pacify your time just kicking it with me if I’m not what you want. Go get Eva Mendes….don’t kick it with Ledisi (Ok..I don’t look like Led either but we got the same birthday and locs..and we’re brown..*shrug*)

There is a life lesson in all of this. If you are looking for your prototype…hold out. Male or Female. Don’t just settle for anything because it’s there. That doesn’t look good for you. And that just ends up making the other person feel less than.

I felt horrible. I looked at the picture and just stared. Is this what he wants? Then why doesn’t he just go get it! Trust and believe, he wasn’t the first guy who said he “normally didn’t date chicks with locs…or brown girls…or (Fill in the Blank of what I have/am)” But I knew from that day…he was going to be the last.

I often question if I am anyone’s least physically..  It might be hard for someone to fall in love with this face..this smile..these eyes..and these boobs…and hips. Perhaps I am. Perhaps I’m not. I know I don’t and will not be the stand-in for anyone’s “prototype”. That cheapens the relationship.  Most of all, that cheapens ME. That’s like asking for bacon and getting that nasty imitation bacon bits in the jar.

But wait..what am I saying!!?? That’s crazy! It shouldn’t be hard to fall in love with what I have physically…you just WILL because you will. A guy wouldn’t have to force it or reconcile himself to being with me.

Besides…I’m my own prototype. I love the shit outta me. And it took a long time to accept that. And I’ll be damn if I allow someone to waste my time. In the famous words of Fantasia..”If you don’t want me then…don’t talk to me!”  Or be around me. Or wanna see me naked. If I’m not what you want.

Fuck it.

And fuck Real Simple. I’m cancelling my subscription

(Wait..who I am kidding..those recipes are the bomb….LOL)


  1. Awesome post!

    Sometimes, people only think they know what they want though. I know a Black woman who is now married to a Black man who, before her, had NEVER dated a Black woman. He only dated White women. Then he met her, fell in love, and proposed pretty quickly. I know another couple that is pretty much the same story. They're both Indian-American (parents are from India) and the hubby only dated Black women before meeting and marrying his wife. Most of his friends are Black as well.

    One could argue that they thought they knew what they wanted and were wrong. Or maybe they just wanted to play with one race of woman while never seriously considering women of another race for marriage.

    You just never know sometimes.

  2. WOW is all I can say

    I am brown with locs and this week I got the most random compliments go figure

  3. Yes, I would be hurt if a guy had made that comment with me there. It's like, umm, dude, what am I - chopped liver? Its inconsiderate and tacky. smh

  4. Yeah I totally agree with what you're saying here.

  5. Ok sis, did you end up kickin' this lame to the curb? How dare he disrespect you like that? And they say black women are "angry." Hmmph. Is it any wonder when black men continue to show blatant ignornance such as this?

  6. OK...a quick male perspective....I can understand your point of view, but he is just stating that he is finding someone attractive. As you said he is attracted to many different types of people. Also, all he has is a picture, but he is with you not JUST for your outward looks (which he obviously finds attractive) but for the whole package. Maybe he already me already met Ms. Mendes, and sure she is attractive in pictures, but is a real bitch....

    So, in the end, he is probably just commenting on a picture and that is that. Don't read any more into it.

    Just my two cents...

  7. Well you guys..I didnt think this post would be so pipular. Actually..I realy do believe I wasn't dude's type. and I did kick him to the curb. Well..he chucked me. *sigh* So that was the end of us. He's the same guy I blogged about who said that my schedule, lack of this and that wasnt a good "fit" for him. I'm encouraged. :)


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