The Proto"Type"

I sat here…had a flashback…

Since turning 30, I ‘ve started to enjoy some simple pleasures. One of which was my Real Simple magazine. I turn and read the very “adult” tips for around the house and recipes, clipping them and stuff like my Mother. The May issue was particularly good. It also featured some hot summer outfits..including bikinis.

Recently, I sat on my couch flipping through the magazine, the guy I was seeing at the time, was peeking at the issue. I saw him out the side of my eye, thinking to myself “He must want some recipes”…and I started chuckling internally.

When I got to the bikini section, his eyes perked up. Of course they would, he’s a man. I turned to a picture of this curvy Latina (or something..) in a bikini. This exact picture actually:

He looked over and said.. ”Hmm…I like that. That’s what I like. I like her”.

Say what???

I cut him a side-eye so hard it would probably cut an artery in his neck cause I surely wanted to throat chop that bastard.  That didn’t really matter cause dude was salivating like a sheep dog. That should have been my sign to run. Instead I fumed silently.

There are certain rules that men need to follow. One of which is not actually VERBALLY saying that another woman is “what you like” or "hot" or whatver. How does that make me feel? Sure, men look at other women. They aren’t dead.  We might even agree that a chick is bad. But you definitely don’t have to be overly enthusiastic about your appreciation for other female forms. You don’t have to be overly stimulated and rude.

But at the same time, it was deeper than just finding a woman attractive.

I looked at the picture. Then looked at him.

Dude...Why the fuck are you even here???

Inside I was furious.  I know you’ve date a Latina..a Korean…and everything in between before you met Nubian me. But…You are sitting here next to a girl who damn sure isn’t some airbrushed, long haired Latina with a curvy shape and abs that you are lusting for. I’m me. Flaws and all. Either you like me or you don’t…and you need to evaluate why you are even dealing with me. Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t pacify your time just kicking it with me if I’m not what you want. Go get Eva Mendes….don’t kick it with Ledisi (Ok..I don’t look like Led either but we got the same birthday and locs..and we’re brown..*shrug*)

There is a life lesson in all of this. If you are looking for your prototype…hold out. Male or Female. Don’t just settle for anything because it’s there. That doesn’t look good for you. And that just ends up making the other person feel less than.

I felt horrible. I looked at the picture and just stared. Is this what he wants? Then why doesn’t he just go get it! Trust and believe, he wasn’t the first guy who said he “normally didn’t date chicks with locs…or brown girls…or (Fill in the Blank of what I have/am)” But I knew from that day…he was going to be the last.

I often question if I am anyone’s type..at least physically..  It might be hard for someone to fall in love with this face..this smile..these eyes..and these boobs…and hips. Perhaps I am. Perhaps I’m not. I know I don’t and will not be the stand-in for anyone’s “prototype”. That cheapens the relationship.  Most of all, that cheapens ME. That’s like asking for bacon and getting that nasty imitation bacon bits in the jar.

But wait..what am I saying!!?? That’s crazy! It shouldn’t be hard to fall in love with what I have physically…you just WILL because you will. A guy wouldn’t have to force it or reconcile himself to being with me.

Besides…I’m my own prototype. I love the shit outta me. And it took a long time to accept that. And I’ll be damn if I allow someone to waste my time. In the famous words of Fantasia..”If you don’t want me then…don’t talk to me!”  Or be around me. Or wanna see me naked. If I’m not what you want.

Fuck it.

And fuck Real Simple. I’m cancelling my subscription

(Wait..who I am kidding..those recipes are the bomb….LOL)