June 30, 2011

Being "Awkward" and Dating


If anyone knows me, they know I am addicted to a good web-series (usually the ones created FOR and BY us). Often times, they are better than regular TV sitcoms. So needless to say, I was delighted, I mean OVERJOYED, to run across the web series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae. I was first introduced to her work a LONG time ago with Dorm Diaries...and then her work with The Fly Boyz and their hilarious series The F Word. But Misadventures... spoke to me. I laughed. I cried. I hollered out loud! I loved it. I can relate. I’ve even gone over to her Facebook page to sing her praises. I was a groupie, no doubt…
Cause I’m awkward…
I used to think I was a pretty a-typical black girl. But I’m not. I’m odd. I’m awkward.  I’m even awkward physically. I got this weird Blasian looking face yet I am not half Asian (which disappoints most brothers to say the least when they find out). I am not shaped like a “sista”. I have locs which is odd...but not unusual. It’s awkward for other people to be honest.  I got this weird complexion…Not light...Not dark...Not even medium.
 I got weird tastes in music and even art. (I LIKE art and museums so that pretty much makes me odd.)  I literally think in Haiku sometimes. My IPod has a weird mix of music. I jam to Bossa Nova.  I think Tyler Perry is a coon and Steve Harvey is a fraud *smh*.  I use big words like “commodity” (lol).  I have this weird combo of liberal and moderate views…I LIKE cooking (although I tell most men that I don’t cook because...well...they’ll abuse it).I collect cookbooks and aprons...I can quote Blaxploitation films verbatim...I like being girly and feminine but I also like to be smart and real. I wear makeup…I like heels...I only own 3 pairs of sneakers…and 2 of them are to work out in.
But above all else…I’m awkward in dating. I’m terrible in social settings.  I’m always getting myself in some sort of socially weird situation.  I'm not the greatest dancer. Guys make me nervous and a bumbling idiot, palms sweating and brow furrowed. I’ve spilled enough drinks on myself and had enough food stuck in my teeth to know I’m strange. I snort and laugh (sometimes…ok?!)  I never know how to start or end a conversation. I have no idea how to flirt and I can’t pick up on queues worth a damn. I think I give off a weird vibe because oftentimes dudes will bypass that and go straight for the “kill”. Ugh. *shudders* I like to openly talk about Football and Politics in the same breath.  I keep my “freak” under wraps until it’s time to get down. You’d think I’d be a guy’s dream right? His odd match…
Even despite these oddities, I’ve been told that because women in ATL are a “dime a dozen” and nothing stands out about me (go figure) then that’s probably why I have a hard time dating. Most of this is focused on my physical attributes. One of my guy friends told me “Well…you’re in ATL...you gotta compete with women who are in more shape….who have this and that (materially)…who don’t do the “natural” thing….nothing about you stands out”
Guess he wasn’t paying attention (and that also never stopped him from”trying” me either…Hmpf!) I’m beautiful and ODD! I’m smart and awkward. I’m sexy and I’m strange.  And I guess those things are killing my dating life. If you can’t figure me out…you aren’t going to take the time to figure me out at all. You’ll get bored. You’ll get tired. And you’ll move on.
I think I’d be compared to a Rubik’s cube. At first you look at it…thinking there is NO WAY you can put all these colors together on the same panel. You struggle …you toil. You pick it up…you put it back down. Finally you throw up your hands and say.”To Hell With it”…and go to an easier game...like checkers because you’ve lost interest.  But once you realize that you’ve “got it”…you lose interest to complete the puzzle.
And by that time….I’m gone.
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m awkward. I’ve accepted the fact that these things may not work in a “typical’ dating situation. And that’s ok. I’m not everyone’s Rubik’s Cube
..But I’m sure I’ll be someone’s challenging puzzle for the rest of their lives…

And that gives me a whole lot of hope

2 comments:

  1. You know, Ive heard a lot about that girl's blog (Issa) but havent checked it out yet. Will do so as soon as I leave here.

    I think Im awkward too, in a way. Ive heard from lots of folks Ive dated, and DH as well, that i'm "unique" and different... and it's usually said with a little smirk (lmao). *smh* I think the difference is that folks up north (or maybe just NYC?) or more tolerant and accepting of this type of thing. They are cool with dreadlocks, they are cool with brainy, cute chicks (like us), they arent so accustomed to all these Buffy looking women walking down the street and appreciate various shapes/sizes. I dunno. ANyhoo, I love your "awkwardness," if that's what you wanna call it - I think it actually makes you stand out from the rest, and in a good way!

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  2. Ok- so i was perusing the blogs when a came accross yours... talking about the misadventures of an ABG. I went to you tube and watched all 5 eposides... Hilarious.

    Thanks for the 'put on'.

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