Skip to main content

I'm not Chicken!

My Soror Y said it best:
"People tell you the's up to you to listen"

I had a huge wake up call and realized that dude had been telling me the truth the whole time. I've ended things with guys before. I've had my heart broken. But never has it been done in a more callous way than recently. I mean, truth be told, dude is a nice guy. But even nice guys have a streak of asshole in them every now and then. 

This all culminated with our final conversation. After avoiding me for the better part of a week, I asked him what the deal was (to make a long story short because I'm not divulging everything). In addition to going on and on about my obvious "lacks" (i.e. my schedule due to school, the fact that I don't have a car, the excuse of me and my schedule of work and school..etc......), he decided to expound and use all of this unnecessarily convoluted language about what basically amounted to: "You aint it".

But the proverbial nail in the coffin.... He said:  "I mean..I wouldn't MIND being in a relationship".

Say what?

But listen closely as to what that means? "I wouldn't MIND being in a relationship" I mean..not MINDING being in a relationship is the equivalent of trying to make a dinner choice between steak and chicken. I wouldn't MIND eating chicken..if that's what's offered..if that's what you can settle on...if t hats what you can afford....but what you REALLY want is steak. It's something you don't mind having..but not what you prefer.

In this analogy..I'm the chicken. *sigh*. And quite honest, I think what he prefers is his life and routine..something and someone that wont disrupt that too much. I didn't fit into that equation. (the actual words were.."I'm not sure if you are a FIT in my schedule')  It was too much "work". Too much of an inconvenience. It took too much "planning". Although my mother used to say "something worth having is worth working for"...apparently this was just too much.  What he REALLY should have said was "I wouldn't mind being in a relationship................just not one with you".

I'm a grown up. I'm wise enough to know that one man's chicken another man's steakhouse special. Just because I wasn't the right "fit" for him doesn't mean I wont be for another person. I'm def not playing the victim either. I know that I will have someone accept me for where I am RIGHT NOW, flaws and all. "Lack" and all. Don't "settle" for anything...esp when the person on the other end is pretty genuine with how they are giving it to you. Furthermore, I am too sweet and smart a person to be getting emotionally "punked".

But the signs were there. I brushed it off as "well..we were working out the kinks of who were were..". but something never gelled. There was a disconnect somewhere. And I realize that was what it was. He was telling me all along this wasn't for him. The snide. snippy remarks..the fact that he didn't have  (in hindsight) a selfless bone in his body, every conversation focused on HIM....and the finally the fact that he had been so dismissive about me and my goals. My "little blog" "little homework" he "couldn't do all of that school".....not to mention because of a 6 year age difference..he called me "oh so young". He was unappreciative of the tremendous sacrifices, rearranging of my schedule and time to talk to or see him. He didn't and couldn't remotely care. When I opened up to talk about things that were deeply personal to me...he didn't react. Just...hardened and calloused.

So we are off that....We ( are back off dating for a while. I gave it a whole hearted try this time, trying to be open and vulnerable..but guess what..

 I'm not CHICKEN...I'm def  NOT something someone wouldn't MIND being with like I am second fiddle. Matter of fact...they wouldn't have to qualify that at all. I'd be someone some guy would love to hang with..and be understanding of where I am RIGHT NOW. Chicken Dinners are winners (lol)..but if he (or any man) prefers his steak...

...I hope a piece of $100 steak gets lodge in his throat and he chokes.


  1. Love how you can just be open and express yourself for the "world" to see. Thanks for sharing! Sorry things didn't work out I loved your him/me stories


  2. Girl, you are reading my mind. I just recently (like Friday) had to dead a dude I went on a few dates with b/c this mofo...let me back up and tell the story.
    A coworker of mine decided to "hook me up" with a friend of hers. Her words were "He's nice, youre nice, you don't have kids and he don't have'll be perfect." I should have know when thats all she could tell me about him but I proceed to be nice and have a few phone convos with him.
    Strike #1-Dude has NO conversation skills. He was like holding the phone, Im asking all the questions. The only thing dude wants to talk about is music, um I have other interest. We go to dinner and dude is straight mute. Im like "whats your deal? are you just a quiet person?" He says yes
    Strike#2- I ask dude what he does for a living he says he owns his own buisness working with kids but never gives details. So I asked one night as were getting off of a drab phone call "what time do you get up for work?" He says "Oh about 9".. Say what! who gets UP at 9 for work ::serious side-eye::
    Strike #3-Dude calls and invites me to a concert, I already had plans but let him know that if somthing changes I will let him know by the next day. Just so happens plans do when I pick up the phone to call the next day, dude has called my cell, my home, and sent a txt telling me "You wrong for not calling me back, Im taking someone else" Mofo are you serious? I do have a life and I don't sit next to my cell waiting on it to beep.
    I AM SO DONE! Im just like throwing dueces to dating right now....seriously where do they find these dudes at?

    (Sorry so long, btw Love the blog :)

  3. NO, you most certainly are not chicken!

    Well cliche' as this may sound, this is most certainly his loss.

    One thing Im glad about is that this all happened earlier as opposed to later, before you heart could get any more deeply involved/entwined.

  4. Oh wow honey you are not chicken.. obviously he was looking for chicken drenched in steak sauce .. they always say they want steak but when they get it they dont know what to do with it or how to enjoy the meal... but what you find them with later on is chicken that they poured steak sauce on to make it look like steak.. jerks.. i read this and i subbed.. you are on point and your right your not chicken!!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…