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This Wicked Game....

**I wasn't going to share this on the blog..but..I've been transparent thus far in my dating experiences..why not stop here goes....**

I started carrying a convo on with a guy named ...well..we'lll call him Mr Violations (cause he had at least 4 of the 10 violations I talked about in my last blog but...Ialthough it was comedy...Ialso didn't wanna judge a book by it's cover).

Gorgeous..dimples..well-chisled..brown skinned tiny gap in his teeth..originally from Queens but living in DC. The convo was going really well via texting and chatting. So..we decided to take it to Oovoo (it's sorta like Skype but better....clearer pictures)

So anyway..we are chatting and the chatting was going well..laughing and what not. So..he asked (as they all do) I have any pictures. So..I send him know..full body...etc. I wasnt naked. I was well dressed. in my designer finest. It was pics from when I went to see Maxwell and some from earlier this year..and when I went to DC last time...Shoot..I thought I was looking good then....

There was a super long pause. Mind you..I can see what the person is looking like on the other end.

His face went from: winky toconfused towtf
I was like "Uhm...did you get the pictures??"confused

*SUPER LONG PAUSE...peppered with some "uhmmmms" and "errrrrs"*

He goes "Can I be honest? are a little on the heavy-set side for me"

Mind you..we still on the cam...I did my best to hide my impending tears and said "Well...ok.."

Then as if to qualify that he goes "Well..ya know..some women say that I'm too fit"

I'm like.."Uh huh...ok"whatevah What person in their right mind would say a person is too fit? He wasnt body builder status but I am sure NO WOMAN was gonna complain about him being "too fit".

The convo goes awkward..then  finally I say I'm going to bed and end it... ugh! N*gga I gave you a chance...Violations and all.

I tweeted it..and while people were very didn't help. I cried for hours last night. I didn't go to bed for another hour or so. I cried looking in the mirror getting dressed this morning. .Hell..I cried this morning coming in on the bus. I'm crying now as I type this. It was embarassing. It took me back to the 4th grade when I used to write love poetry to Miguel Davida and he found out..and in the middle of the cafateria  he said.."I dont want you. You are fat. You are ugly." OR when I was in high 125..I was one of the heaviest cheerleaders on my squad and I had to wear those short skirts and I heard chicks say "Gosh..her thighs are HUGE..." But to have things magnified like this.....*sigh*. No words.

That's it. I'm done. As my boy says.."IM OFF". In my 31 years on this earth..NEVER has a guy told me I was heavy set. Thick yes? Heavy-set? NO. And def not to my damn face...and DEF not making screw faces at pics I sent. Look dude..I KNOW I got my problem areas but damn..I didnt think it was anything a pretty face and good conversation couldnt make up for. And these were nice pics I sent you. Nothing was revealing..not even my fat rolls.  But Heavy-Set? When I think Heavy-Set I think Monique? Sherri Shepard? Or even Queen Latifah? But me??? I'm 5'4" and a size 10/12....double-digits means I'm "heavy set"??? A little pooch and boobs means I'm "heavy set"?? Someone's "thick" is the next man's "heavy set".


This dating game is wicked...WICKED. I've been much more polite about turning a guy down. I've never said "You are too FAT for me" or "Too UGLY"...esp after you seemed so interested before. I'm southern. I have decorum...I've let people down a whole lot easier. It is one thing to have a preference and stick to it..we all do..but it's one thing to be blatantly rude.

I give up you guys. I can't..I just CAN'T do this.  I dont wanna meet anyone else. It's always something. If it's not me "not being mobile"...then it's me being too "natural". And if it's not me being "too natural"..then it's me being "too dark".  And now it's me being too "heavy set"?

*throws hands up*

(I hope that bama trips up in a dark club while he's trying to take a bathroom pic wearing dark shades and doing the kissy face in the mirror with no shirt on............Hmpf!)


  1. I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Dating is about finding the right person for you while hopefully having a little fun :-). Dude just wasn't that person. The big question is whether you're crying because of the rejection or because he highlighted something that you felt insecure about. Hang in there :-). If nothing else you will have some funny stories (and ppl) to laugh about!

  2. How rude! I hope he trips in a dark club. That was just downright mean. You and I are the same size and I've heard those same comments. You are perfectly fine in that body of yours. I know scars run deep and long but one of these days you will let them go for good.

  3. Two word about him -- 1.douche. 2. bag. He clearly has no home training and better to find that out now than after you've invested time, energy and whatever else. You are worth way more than anything he had to offer. Put on your stilettos and keep steppin'.

  4. Wow. What part of the game is this?

    You know, I think you're hitting on something a little deeper than the obvious. We really do have to put ourselves out there when we date and it doesn't do anything for self when the person on the other end doesn't even attempt to let us down easy. In many ways it's just not worth it.

    I hope you take some time to remember all the things you really like about yourself and the things others really like about you because I know they all have to outweigh any perceived (or actual -- depends) weight issues. Though it sounds like homeboy really hit on an issue that has always bothered you... all the more reason to just stay cognizant of all the things that make you you (and therefore amazing).

    That guy was the worst kind of asshole -- the unintentioned one. The one who just didn't think it through and even after the fact didn't really grasp how far he'd stuck his foot down his throat.

    My apologies for the long post -- I get irritated with how careless folks are with others' emotions and further how much looks matter in our society. If you'd been giving him great convo, it's ridiculous that a little pudge here and there ended all that. SMH.

  5. First off I'm mad as shit for you! Sweetie for you to entertain his ignorance or that of anyone to say anything like that to or about you is beneath you! You're beautiful period! A size 10/12 at 5'4 is NOT Heavy SET! I'm 5'4 and a size 16 and am no where near heavy set so he can go f*ck himself!

    But I so understand the bruises we carry with us from childhood and for anyone to make us feel that way is just mean. I've had men say really mean things while dating that took me back to those times of being too dark and unattractive to THEM. But just as we cry when rejected; some people hurt or lash out when they are rejected.

    All in all what he said was hurtful and uncalled for.

    I think the saddest thing is that we look past a lot of the guys we meet, faults. Be it not the right job, age, swagger, and so on to see if he can possibly be a sweet caring guy that you can see yourself smiling and laughing with them they do shit like that. SMDH

  6. This post hurt me to my heart. You are far from "heavyset" (wow), and even if you were..... the way he handled that was totally wrong. There have been plenty of guys I just wasn't attracted to in the past, but never was I disrespectful or inconsiderate about it like that.
    Gosh, I'm so sad that happened to you. What a jerk.

  7. Don't let that moron keep you from meeting potential good guys. Who is he? He ain't nobody.. I am heavy set, plump, fat...etc ..and you can't tell me nothing! Its gonna be somebody who you will meet that will love alla'dat! I never classified you as heavy-set though :headscratch: If you are heavy set than I am a T-REX!!! LOL!

    Wipe those tears honey, you are a dime...he is just used to pennies.

  8. I know this is old but girl don't be shaken by that. First and foremost you nicknamed him Mr. Violations, so even if he was into you he still wouldn't be worthy of licking the bottom of your left boot. Second he can have a preference and at least he was honest. It just gave you a chance to confirm the aforementioned truth. Press on honey.


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