Dear The Mocha Peach:
I am having a serious, anxiety issue. You see…after a devastating break up and having my wedding called off a month before the date, I have not been dating that often. But recently, I met a guy that gives me butterflies. He’s amazing. We’ve been dating for a while now. The only problem is: I haven’t had sex SINCE I broke up with my fiancé. That was 22 months ago! I am so scared and nervous. I feel like I’d be really wack at sex now because I’m so out of practice. I literally don’t know where the f*** to begin. I want to go there with the new guy but I feel like I have no idea if I’ll be able to please him. I feel like a virgin all over again at 30 years old. Do you have any advice?
Is It Like Riding a Bike?
Dear Is it Like Riding a Bike:
My dear, I want to commend you on not giving your cookies away for 22 months. My goodness! What a serious test of will power and selection. This goes to show that you are selective, you know what you want, and you don’t want to share that special part of you with any old random joker! Bravo! Furthermore, I know how hard it can be to be intimate after a break up. I took quite a break after my divorce as well… But you def took a great, healthy amount of time to heal from something so awful and painful.
But uhm.. HONEY! It has been 22 months. We got to dust the cobwebs offa that thang! And you have every right to take it there after 22 months (and as a 30 year old) if you feel like you’ve met the right guy, and he cares about you and your needs. By default, you will not be terrible if he CARES (which is the key word here).
However, if you are feeling some trepidation about getting back in the sexual saddle and getting your inner freak reverse cowgirl on, then I say we take some baby steps. Try some self-stimulation if you haven’t done so to some erotic music. (Might I suggest the new TANK album as a soundtrack)? Watch some hot steamy love scenes (not porn…love scenes). My favorite love scenes: 9 ½ weeks, Unfaithful, and of course Love Jones. Let your mind be open and your body be relaxed. Read some erotic literature (I do NOT suggest Zane.eck! I like the Black Erotica/Erotic Noire compilation). Invest in a good vibrator (I think I’ve done enough vibrator and other tool reviews on here to help you out). In other words, we have to rediscover what makes YOU tick.
Secondly, honey we must go shopping! Please get some new undies and new stilettos. Nothing makes me feel sexier than sexy, frilly things. Because I am a busty gal, I order my things from Fredericks or Ultimo of London (yep..I import my slutty wear..LOL). But good, affordable things can be found at Ross, TJ Maxx, hell even WalMart. And don’t forget a nice comfy pair for F**-me-pumps! They wont be on long anyway!
Lastly and if at all possible (and if you can stomach it), graduate to watching a bit of hardcore porn. We don’t want you screwing like a porn star RIGHT out the gate after such a long departure, just get the “essence” of porn star. We can graduate to full on porn star once the relationship progresses.
When the “big night” arrives, make sure you are armed to the T: hair done, nails done, waxed, shaved, pluck and ready to be f*cked. (lol). Break out that new lingerie I told you to buy. I don’t give a damn if you all are watching a video and eating popcorn on your couch, at least you will feel sexy while doing so underneath your jeans and t-shirt. Start slow…do some slow touching…hands..leg…ears. Kiss his check. Start SLOW. Don’t pounce the man. It makes it seem so awkward. There is a fine line to seduction and cheesiness. And we don’t need you cheesy. Once you are relaxed, guide his hands to the places that YOU feel comfortable being touched and SHOW him how you want to be touched. Whisper it “I like it like this” or “Yes. That’s how I like it”. Don’t be harsh in your tone or approach.
If all you want to do is kiss and make out and go to “old school Second base” (not new school cause that means giving head probably), then that’s cool. Some over the clothes touching and kissing should ease you into the idea of sex at least. And with all the other things, you should be armed and ready to go.
Overall, what I am trying to say, dear reader, is do things at YOUR pace and YOUR comfort level. All in all. Things will work out. And yes, my dear, it is JUST like riding a bike. You may not have peddled in a while, but at least you know the basic mechanics so you won’t fall off.
Happy Love Making!
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