October 1, 2015

Shouting From the Rooftops in a Whisper




*blows the dust off this blog again*

You know.. I am so terrible at blogging. *sigh* I wish I could tell you some fantastical story that I won the lottery and I just was trying to get used to being rich and having a driver... but that isn't the case. I haven't blogged because I have been very busy.

I am still in school. I have my comprehensive exams end of October. I am developing my prospectus. And I am working still.. full time and involved in big projects. I am still adjusting to being a wife.... along with other things. And trying to work out a schedule that allows some self-care. It's tough. And although I love Wonder Woman... I cannot be her 24/7. Shoot.. I can't even watch TV without feeling a tiny bit guilty... I guess Scandal has to wait.


I go through moments where I feel great about life.. and then moments where I feel like at any moment it can all come crushing down on my head. There are things going on in my life that I am so delighted about. Given the loss of my mom that I  experienced early this spring... I am so excited about things... Nervous but thrilled. My heart is swelling. My husband is the bee's knees. We celebrated one year of being married and he still takes my breath away. We are settled and happy... and moving right along as a unit........

I am so happy that  I am shouting it... just at a whisper level.

I realize I am on social media. I have two blogs. I have a YT channel.. and I have a pretty good social medial presence. With all of that... it doesn't mean that I want people in my business. I do not want people I barely communicate with speculating on my life. My mama used to say "everyone doesn't deserve a front row ticket to your life". Therefore, the people who need to know will know intimate matters in my life. Not some chick who I talked to on occasion via some website. Not someone who follows me on Twitter. Not someone who looks at my Instagram. I am talking old, "down like 4 flats" friends are the only ones who get to share in my life...all its ups and downs.

This makes it hard to have a social media presence. There are things I'd love to share.. but given my privacy... (and my husband's privacy).. I chose not to. I am sure part of it will make me lose out on blog sponsors.. and other exposure. But would I rather leave myself exposed to the world? Or be happy in my cocoon? It isn't that I live my life with rose-colored glasses on. But I just want to cherish my happiness. I've waited 35 years for it.... I've worked hard for it. So has my husband. So has my family.

Recently, I had a couple of incidents of personal invasion that bothered me. Someone  decided to post unsolicited inquiries in my inbox, speculating on my life. I didn't bother to answer them directly and I still won't. Then, a week later, someone (whom I assume could only hear ramblings of my life either via my other blog... or another social media group I used to belong to), decided to post something on my personal Facebook wall. Luckily, I had friends who are fiercely protective of my privacy and also alerted me. I deleted it. My life isn't internet fodder. I am no longer 25. I do not have the protection of a private blogging space (a la Xanga back in the 2000s)..  I have Facebook mostly for my family and college friends/sorority sisters. Also, most of my very good friends live out of state. Email has gone the way of the dinosaur these days.. so social media it is. But If I cannot have some modicum of privacy... then gosh.... what is it all for?

I partly blame myself for being too open with folks in the beginning. I shared a lot. I shouldn't have. And now as I knock on the front end of 40 (YIKES)... I know a lot better.

Maybe there will come a time where I share something amazing and wonderful on this blog. Maybe I won't. Until then... it is my choice. And no one has the right to violate your space.  I will continue to shout my good news... praise my husband... brag on my family... and share silly stories of the adventures of my Godchildren...

... but it'll have to be done in a whisper . And for certain ears only.


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