I was in one of the many online/Facebook groups that I am in (I have a real addiction I believe....) and the discussion of marriage and its up and downs began. Naturally, women started this discussion and men sorta interjected here and there. (SN: I often wish men spoke positively and naturally about marriage the way women do....alas.... all we get are Fred Flinstone types...)
I relayed my experiences as a woman under 40 and working on my second marriage. My exact words were...
What I’ve learned in two marriages, one disastrous and one fairly new but relatively healthy, is that you learn to become like taffy: You start out one big, sweet sticky mess. Then...you stretch, you grow, you pull, you push but if you’re lucky, you don’t break. And that’s the sweet spot.
And when one of my good friends who was engaged said she fears marriage because she was a "hot mess"... I laughed and said, "Marriage is the joining of two hot messes....". And I continued on with my taffy analogy. She sighed and said "Aww. That gave me chills".
I speak my truth. Marriage and love and sex... all of it combined is one hot, sweet, sticky mess.
You have to learn to bend and not break. Be malleable. Be willing to compromise on all things. Marriage has been the ultimate test of what I am willing to tolerate. Do I want more sex? Less sex? What does passion look like when kids come into the picture? Do I like this position? Do I want to be this kind of wife? That kind of mom? So many questions are being answered. It is literal on the job training. Hence my taffy analogy....
Taffy is good. But it is a pretty difficult thing to make. Most candy makers avoid it. But, it is very rewarding to see the end result.
Marriage is like taffy. Truly. You just have to be willing to put in the hard work to get to the good stuff.