May 21, 2013

The Dreaded "S" Word

A sorority sister of mine had some run in with a foo-well from her church. She said some ninny had given her number to a man in her single's group (Violation don't do that!) and he called her. During the call, the man goes a woman should "Submit to him in relationships, while you are dating/committed relationships and married......"

She promptly  hung up the phone. And I do not blame her.

Submission..... *smh*

Men are quick to quote random bible verses about "submission" and how men should submit to God only..and women to their husbands who ultimately, get their instruction from God.
That type of thinking is dangerous in my opinion. There is a spiritual disconnect going on there.
Submission isn't about ruling over a person....ever.

And besides, it is 2013. Get real. Feminism and social movements happened ages ago to free us from this thinking. Submission isn't bout a dogmatic way of men being "over" women. It's about mutual submission to each other (I do for do for me..WE are a team who are doing the good works of God).Submission to the will and good of the Lord. 

If a woman, who is to glean her spiritual guidance from a man...where is HER own personal relationship with the Lord?? She doesn't need a man as her "spiritual intercessor". She can do that for herself. And God wants to hear from YOU..not you through someone else.

Ninjas got it twisted! Plain and simple. Men and women following some script that obviously doesn't work. It just doesn't...never has.  I see now that single women are quoting patriarchy for the good of women...and that is where the danger takes a whole new level.

I was also reminded of the dangers of patriarchy, submission and religion when I was watching Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix my Life" on the OWN network.  There, she began to work with the gospel group The Pace Sisters...

These women had been wounded and hurt and the hurt began to manifest itself in massive, dangerous weight issues. One sister was molested by an uncle and when she told, they pretty much swept it under the rug. One sister believed she had been sexually assaulted by her brother (although she wasn't came in flashes). One sister had been told "God wasn't in college" and she wasn't allowed to pursue her dream of an education! AN EDUCATION! Folks wanted to keep her in ignorance in the name of the Lord. Finally, one sister had been ashamed of her same-sex attraction, feeling ostracized by her sisters and community. She was a 45 year old virgin, who had never had any type of physical ANYTHING with ANYONE (although she knew she liked women) all because she had grown up to ONLY serve men...and ONLY serve the Lord. Their father was known as "KING" and they had to call him that........their brother in turn, manifested this same type of "ask no questions, submission" behavior to his sisters. They in turn did the same things with their own husbands.......

I find this type of patriarchy disturbing. NO matter how you try and explain it to'll never work. This sort of blind devotion is what keeps slaves still in bondage. Harriet Tubman said it best: "I could have freed a lot more slaves if they only KNEW they were slaves". And in some ways..submission is enslavement and bondage of women cloaked in religion. Patriarchy in religion, causing sexual suppression and repression and depression, women not having authority over their own utter sadness and foolishness. This is why the church needs to a self evaluation. Patriarchy has no place within your relationship with God. No place! 

Look here, the only kind of submission I like is sometimes in the bedroom (lol). and even that has it's own patriarchy problems. But at least know it's not "real" if you get my drift. It's fantasy. Like acting out a role. Even then...everyone knows there is an "out"...a safe word..........

The man that God wants you yo be with will see you as an equal , not a dominant partner to rule over the lord and land. He won't rule your house that way. He won't rule YOU that way. He won't do things without consulting you. Hetero-normative patriarchy has no place among women, esp women of color, who come from a more matrilineal and communal ancestry.

Maya Angelou said  later on Super Soul Sunday on OWN "All religions are a path to ALL". Meaning it's just a's just a path..what is most important is how YOU commune with God. And most certainly, it can be fostered in a relationship based on roles and madness.

"I surrender ALL. I surrender ALL to ALL. God is ALL.........."- Maya Angelou

 It is about EQUALLY submitting to God and God's will for your life. As a married are both equally doing that..equally being helpmates...equally doing things pleasing in the sight of God. I don't need a man as my spiritual intercessor. We always say "First giving honor to GOD who is the head of my life..." then all of a sudden..that doesn't apply when you get married??? Where did your interpersonal, unadulterated relationship with God go? How does it vanish when you get married and now all of a answer to a man who, despite what you think..doesn't know you HALF as well as you know yourself to be the authority over your life. We have some strange ways, the church, and we need to do some self-reflection. It's crippling us as women, as black women, and as a community......

The only entity you need to be surrendering and submitting to is the Most High, who has no gender or pronoun other than "ALL". A relationship most of about mutual respect. I respect you. You respect me. We respect what God has for us.

Perhaps "respect" should replace "submission" in the vocabulary. Maybe then we get get out of the chains that submission want to throw on us.

Just a thought.......


  1. Wow, that was well said. You broke it all the way down!!!

  2. i need to catch that episode for real



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