Skip to main content

Timing ,Love and Aging Parents: Personal Reflections

Warning: I NEVER write about my personal love life. but..I have to get this off my 38 DDs. :)

I'm in love.

For the first time since my divorce, I am completely, head-over-heels in love with someone. It all came so suddenly and fast. Yet it was on time. God's time.  Granted, we did this dance around the whole idea of an "us" for sometime now. Flirting back and forth for almost a YEAR... until we finally said "Let's just go ahead and try it..." And doggone was kismet! . He's my foodie soulmate. He is my football partner. He is my living teddy bear boo. He is the person who I laugh with the most these days.... But....

Love came at the worst time ever.

My mother has been ill for some time now. She had pneumonia which triggered them to look at her heart. They found a clogged artery. Now it appears that after her bypass she will need rehab because she had a stroke during/after surgery. We are unsure. Not sure how long she will be stuck in a rehab facility. Not sure if she will be herself again.

It is believed that she had a stroke post-surgery. Her speech was slurred and her vision is blurred. Her speech has now recovered but she is slow to walk and her vision is still bad. My father and I have to make some tough decisions regarding her after care....My mother is my entire world. My best friend. My everything. She's tiny and fragile but still a trooper through all of this. She has her mind and faculties... Yet when I visited her, she was quiet and pensive. She had sad eyes and a tiny voice. That isn't her.......

But I am glad "he" is here with me.He sent her flowers and he never met my mother. When she did meet him. she acted as though he'd been around forever. When I am sad, he makes me laugh. When I want to get away and just "celebrate Saturday" , he does just that. He kisses me when I am pretending to be asleep. I want to curl into all 6'4 inches of him and inhale him everyday. He smells like after shave and Irish Spring.  I cry and am sad in his arms without judgement. With him I can do no wrong and everything is right..

But I feel so guilty.

Here I am trying to do it all: work and school. and NOW have a meaningful love life. My mother told me "You have one life to live. You can't live mine AND yours". Yet I still feel bad. That is hard to hear...esp when it's a woman who would easily give her own life up for yours.  I am not there to make sure she eats everyday. And sometimes I can't talk long because I am sleepy or have to read. I feel so bad when my beau is here and she calls me. I feel guilty trying to be happy all the while the person who brought me in this world..and brings me joy.... isn't very happy. She is smiling on the outside and just sad and wants to come home on the inside. This is a drain for her. And for me too.

I debated leaving school. I debated taking a leave of absence from work. I debated shutting down this blog. I even debating telling "my love" that maybe we need to back off........and just cool it down. I was even hesitant in planning a  romantic vacation because I didn't want to be away from her.....My father was like.."You cant stop living...." but I feel like I need to at least pause my life.

Honestly,  I do not want to do any of that. My mother also wouldn't want that for me. She'd want me to keep on living..just like she does. She is one tough cookie. That is where I get and draw my strength from. I remember seeing her work and be sick and take care of me...she did it because she had to. I know I'll have to do much of the same as comprehensive exams loom, my relationship flourishes, and my career path changes.

So here I am torn and making life decisions that don't make sense to many people. Parents get old. Love happens. and when the two collide, it can be a mess. I know he loves me, my beau. He's a good guy and I can see something meaningful manifesting itself here.

I know that somehow I will find balance in all of this. And be happy. And blissful


Isn't this what I asked God for?

I mean... that's what my mother would want for me, right?

Readers, simply pray for me.



  1. I think that this is a GREAT time for you to be in love! The reason being is because of his support. Just like your parents need you around, I think you need him around as well. He can continue to help fortify your strength cuz let's face it Mama. You're gonna get tired.Physically, mentally, emotionally..u get the idea.

  2. Its a good time to be in love in the midst of it all.

    Stay strong sis

  3. Yes, it's absolutely what your mom - what any mom - wants for their child. I don't think they can truly rest and be happy until they know that WE are happy, and have someone who genuinely loves us and will take care of us the way we deserve. So the happier you are in your relationship, the happier it will make your mom. And that is one less thing she will have to think/worry about, you finding and settling down with "the one." So I agree with the others who have commented before me. Now is the perfect time to have found your soulmate, and God did it this way for a reason.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

Dating and the Dark-Skinned Girl

Often times in the circle of close bloggers, who become friends, we get into debates (albeit friendly ones) but debates nonetheless. I happened to be on my "private" blog site reading a dear friend's blog. I love her to death and she's been like a big sister to me, helping me through my divorce as a shoulder to cry on and listening ear. And although I've never met her in person...I do consider her a friend (that may sound strange to most..but it isnt to bloggers!) She's a gorgeous Black and Mexican in southern Cal and raising her teenage son amazingly! I was reading her blog...and came across this:

Ok..just a random thought... What is with the expression "LSLH?" Because it's usually used in a negative way, I'm offended by it.It irks me to no end! I mean, does it make us less of a black women because we have lighter skin and long hair? So when I read blogs or websites that use that expression, I think it's sad. So what if I&…

The "Fleece Johnson" Guide to Dating

I am not sure if any of you saw the recent Boondocks where they spoofed prison culture and gayness. Well....if you haven' is a little clip of where they got their inspiration from. Fleece Johnson...the Booty Warrior... So yeah...Fleece is a little crazy..but we are about to roll with thiis for a minute. I am about to take the "Fleece Johnson" no holds barred approach to dating. If I see a dude it's going down  like this: I likes ya I wants ya We can do this the easy way Or the hard way....your choice. Now..Fleece might be talking about gay men and booty warrior and "hornin". But..I'm talking about taking the same approach to men. If I see a dude I want..I WANT HIM. Imma have him. We can play games and bullshit and do it the hard way...OR we can do it the easy give in to me and my desires (and yours)..and be happy. Which would you rather have? Would you rather have to do dumb sh*t to work for a good woman? Or take an easy approach with the sam…