Skip to main content

Not Even 2 and Microagressions

*sigh*

I am always reluctant to share stories about my kid at work. I do not want to be one of those parents whose posts are ALWAYS about their kids. But what I experienced last week at work makes me realize that even my not-even-2 year old isn't immune from microaggression and that her lesson in  black womanhood will start early.

My daughter was sick a week ago. She had roseola and missed almost a week of daycare. But prior to that, she had been enjoying it. I was apprehensive as she had been taken care of by family for well over a year. But I knew the day would come where she would go to daycare. Luckily for me, the daycare is walking distance from my job and I can pop over whenever I wanted to. I happened to come to pick her up pretty early. And I noticed a little boy helping her up as she fell. She was like "Bro, I am good!" and sorta fussed him in that toddler-type of way. And he giggled and backed off. HE was just being a good friend. I soon learned that she and that young boy had actually grown close. Based on the photos the teacher posts each day, her and this young man are joined at the hip. They hold hands. They play together. He even put her shoe on when she lost it. *all the feels* But helping her up? Nah, she got it!

My new supervisor asked me how my daughter was liking daycare. And I said she was doing well, so much so that I giggled at her being so independent and not wanting help from her new friend. I thought the story was cute. My supervisor responded:

"Oh! She sounds so sassy!!"

*pause*

Sassy??? She's not even 2! For me, the word "Sassy" triggered so much. The idea of the "sassy black woman" irks my soul. This isn't to say that sassy black women do not exist. But for some reason in the psyche of whiteness, that is the ONLY archetype of black woman that they are "familiar" with aside from "Mammy" or "Sapphire". This isn't all we are.

You could have said anything else. You could have said she's exhibiting her leadership skills or independence (Isn't that what ya'll want us to do? "lean in" and teach our babies the way?) You could have said anything but "sassy". She's a toddler. Aren't all toddlers full of attitude??

I let out a sigh and said "I think she's just independent" and slowly walked away.  I realize that my little black girl is marked from the time she is born. She's sassy. She's attitudinal. She is a lot of things, ready for the "push out". She's a sexual creature, a wonton seductress, and "visualized as older" than her counterparts, even tough she will probably forever be the tiny one. She'll be catcalled even as a 5 year old. Where does it stop?

This type of faux-relatability is also indicative of neo-liberal white feminism. You are trying to relate to me by putting on a fake "blaccent" and call my kid "sassy". That is ridiculous. There is no way I could be comfortable with any of that.

My daughter is a smart, assertive girl.-- a fighter from the womb and her 1 lb birth weight and 64 days in the NICU. She deserves much more than "sassy" as a moniker.....

SO much more.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex operator...my job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

Dating and the Dark-Skinned Girl

Often times in the circle of close bloggers, who become friends, we get into debates (albeit friendly ones) but debates nonetheless. I happened to be on my "private" blog site reading a dear friend's blog. I love her to death and she's been like a big sister to me, helping me through my divorce as a shoulder to cry on and listening ear. And although I've never met her in person...I do consider her a friend (that may sound strange to most..but it isnt to bloggers!) She's a gorgeous Black and Mexican woman..living in southern Cal and raising her teenage son amazingly! I was reading her blog...and came across this:

Ok..just a random thought... What is with the expression "LSLH?" Because it's usually used in a negative way, I'm offended by it.It irks me to no end! I mean, does it make us less of a black women because we have lighter skin and long hair? So when I read blogs or websites that use that expression, I think it's sad. So what if I&…

The "Fleece Johnson" Guide to Dating

I am not sure if any of you saw the recent Boondocks where they spoofed prison culture and gayness. Well....if you haven't...here is a little clip of where they got their inspiration from. Fleece Johnson...the Booty Warrior... So yeah...Fleece is a little crazy..but we are about to roll with thiis for a minute. I am about to take the "Fleece Johnson" no holds barred approach to dating. If I see a dude it's going down  like this: I likes ya I wants ya We can do this the easy way Or the hard way....your choice. Now..Fleece might be talking about gay men and booty warrior and "hornin". But..I'm talking about taking the same approach to men. If I see a dude I want..I WANT HIM. Imma have him. We can play games and bullshit and do it the hard way...OR we can do it the easy way...you give in to me and my desires (and yours)..and be happy. Which would you rather have? Would you rather have to do dumb sh*t to work for a good woman? Or take an easy approach with the sam…