Skip to main content

The Balance: Sex, Sleep, or Spaghetti-Os

**Note: For the duration of the summer (June to August) I have dedicated myself to my writing: personal, professional and academic. Therefore, I will be blogging once a week on Sex and the Southern Belle (personal) Enjoy my  new adventures**


Sometimes, I legitimately forget to sleep. I forget to eat. I forget to kiss my husband and my baby. I forgot about myself.

Over the past few months, the word of the moment has been "balance". How can I balance all these hats on my head? All these irons in the fire? Wife. Mom. Student. Lover. Friend. Employee. So many things. Only 24 hours in the day.

The days are passing...The days when I have Spaghetti-O's all over my clothes.. and all over the baby. The days where my eyebrows go un-waxed and my skin looks dull.  The days where I can catch my newly-walking daughter in my arms and hear her laughing.. the days where my husband spins me around in the kitchen and smacks my non-existent butt.

The nights are shorter. There inst enough time to read bedtime stores. There isn't enough time for spontaneous sex where we try not to wake the baby (who finally went to sleep). Not enough nights to binge watch our favorite shows. with endless bowls of popcorn.... or date nights where we get dressed to the nines. We've had a few.. but far in between.

It's a choice. A struggle. All of these irons in the fire and not knowing what to focus on everyday. Sometimes it sinks you in a hole, that only a good therapist and prayer can get you out of. Sometimes when you feel like all the plates are spinning, one crashes, leaving you without recourse. Where do you turn? Where do you go?

Right now, I am watching my husband sleep. I always fall asleep last in this house.His chest rising and falling effortlessly under the hum of the humidifier and air conditioner. I hear my daughter rustle with the blanket her aunt made and whine a bit...... I go over to comfort her with  firm hand on her back. And she stops. She's at peace and everything is alright.

I often wonder where is that "firm hand" for me. Where is the steady comfort of knowing everything is ok? I guess as a modern woman, the uncertainty is the new normal. I am not seeking perfection.. just balance.

So this summer, I am dedicating myself to just that. Finding the balance. Making time for myself. Making time for the pursuits that make me happy. There is no rush on any of it.

But it is about balance.. and finding joy in the balance....

I think I am definitely getting there.


Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

Desperate Times, Drastic Measures!

Hey Folks!

I know.. I have skipped a couple of weeks already! BUT in my defense, having a sick toddler will wear you out... and family really is important.

That being said... I've gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. I've had a physical, which has made me reassess  my life. I have more appointments on the books than I care for just to make sure I am doing ok. I don't want to go into anything as to alarm folks, but I do want to keep on trucking and this is all part of being proactive. I'm still in the gym but not really seeing much progress. I am sure it has something to do with my eating. It isn't that I eat bad.. I just do not eat enough to burn off the fat . I have to meal plan better..

This is where Pinterest comes in....I have tons and tons of food options saved. I figure I can do weekly "sheet pan" meals for my meal planning.. and then shop for the week. I normally I am a "once a month" grocery shopper... but I think that's g…