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Lessons a Divorcee' Learns Planning Her Second Wedding

(no that's not me...or my groom! LOL)

*blows dust off this puppy*

Hey y'all!

It's been far too long since I've blogged. But my good friend @EarthAngel172 on Twitter was curious about me..how was doing and how the wedding plans were going! Now that I was forced to sit my booty down  (I had some minor outpatient surgery...no worries..I'm good)...I can now sit and am forced and I am willing to write this blog.

Wedding planning is...well.....I will say that I've learned so much as a bride for the second time. Here are the highlights



1) You Cannot Compare Apples to Oranges... so stop doing it!!

This experience of being a bride for the second time is not going to be like the first time. It's not. Our major arguments and disagreements during this process have largely been about "Hey..I did that the first time so I don't wanna do it again". Silly stuff. Like a personalized aisle runner. Or who to invite...or even having a wedding at all. Most of all...My new groom is nothing like my "starter husband". Nothing like him. He has his own vision and his own ideas. These two weddings and marriages will be different. I am older, wiser and not concerned about the same things I was concerned about almost 10 years ago. It's different...not better or worse....different...for the better :)



2) You will change your mind (and it has a lot to do w/your groom)

I was adamant about not having a wedding. I really was...but here i am...about to don the dress and heels and veil again....and I have no regrets anymore about it. I said I didn't want a wedding because of the pomp and circumstances and MONEY that I feel was wasted. But my groom didn't feel that way. He wanted the experience of seeing me come down the aisle and "have his breath taken away" (direct quote from The Dude). Is it far to deny him my beauty (LOL)? probably not. But a guy has a vision for his wedding...and you have to respect it.

3) You will realize what's truly important...and what's not

Given that this isn't my first time at the rodeo, I know what I like and what I don't. What is a priority is not having hundreds of people there to eat your food and gawk at your dress. What's a priority is family and tradition and having an intimate event to celebrate your union. It isn't about how much money you've spent. I have been to weddings where I know hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent. It's about having fun and not stressing about the little things. It's not a production. It is a holy sacrament and needs to be treated as such.

4) You No Longer Have to People Please

The mistake most brides make when they plan a wedding is trying to please people, especially family. They want you to invite their best friend from childhood and even that heffa from church they don't care too much for. They want you to have the best...yet do not want to kick in money wise. I think planning a second wedding allows me to do things on my term. I can have it look the way I want. Pick the sexy dress I wanted. Spend the amount you want to spend on things...or NOT spend. You are not obligated to feed everyone! It's your vision...the second time around. The first time it is about pleasing parents. This time...it's about you and your groom. (this becomes tricky if the groom has never been married...but I digress....it can happen...)

5)There is No Pressure to be Perfect (But You Can Still Have Your Fairytale)

You no longer have the pressure of being that 12 year old girl who collected Brides magazines, planning your big day with an imaginary groom.  Because you are doing it your way, you will have absolutely no regrets (or at least..that's my hope) But, you do not have to "short change" yourself. It can be the fairytale that YOU all want. You get to make it as fabulous as you want it to be..and if things do not go right..it's going to be ok. In the end...you will be married :) You are hosting this really cool event, a sacrament and a big ol' party with the people you love. No amount of money you spend or not spend will be a reflection of the love you have for your spouse. I know one thing..for me it's not about the money. Perfect is how you interpret it. And for us..it is about family, friends and food. Our theme is "Eat, Drink and Be Married"..so that is what it is about for us. Not the money. Not the decor. That's all relative at this pint. We gotta live afterwards too. Having a healthy, functional marriage takes precedence over anything else.

6) Being a Bride a Second Time Isn't a Do-Over...(but it's still kinda fun.)

..and it most certainly is no reflection of the type of WIFE you will be. I made many mistakes as a wife the first time that I am declaring not to carry into my second marriage. Nevertheless, that type of feeling shouldn't stop me from enjoying being a bride this time. It's fun. Although I am not trying to "repeat" or "do over" things, I do want to experience new things.  I never had a Bachelorette party...so I am having one. I never got to go on a honeymoon..and with an international and well-traveled husband, I will. I wanted a more "planned" shower...and I am sure I will have one.  I don't want social media taking over my wedding or reception. The cool part is I get to incorporate my fiance's Caribbean culture so that'll be different. I get to be sexier..freer...I just wont care what others think! I will be 35 and just in my own skin....


So that's it for me and the wedding planning...and my thoughts. It is a lot of fun. But the fun part to me is just getting to be this dude's wife..and that he chose me...and that God has preordained this...

That's fun  <3



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