Skip to main content

Ask TheMochaPeach: Am I being Played?

In this latest installment of "Ask TheMochaPeach", a young lady asks if she is being played or lied to by a dude via evidence on facebook.

Dear Mocha:
I met a guy over the summer and I thought we hit it off. He came up to me in the smoothest of ways at an event  for urban professionals (aka Happy Hour) and I was smitten. He was FIONE. We hit it off all night, even going to dinner the next day. He told me he was out of a relationship and had a 3 year old daughter he was really all about. Educated, smart and funny...we talked all the time. And even went out a few times. And his kisses were amazing!

Well all of a sudden the calls stop. And I sorta don't know why he fell off into the Black Abyss of Men Who Do That Sh*t but he did. I was devastated. I thought we hit it off.  I was a little taken aback but I let it go. 3 months later (YES..3) he calls me out of the blue saying that he knows he fell off but he had good reason. His baby mama was acting up, they had huge arguments, his funds ran low, he lost some contracts at work,  and a bunch of other riga-ma-roo to which I thought to myself "Well..your fingers ain't broke". But I let him keep talking. The convo was pleasant, ending with him saying he'd call again (I wasn't holding my breath). Something in my gut was telling me otherwise.

Well...something told me to go on that dreaded Facebook to take a look at his page...and low and behold..there was a pic of him....his beautiful daughter.......and the baby mama all together as his profile pic. I click on her page..and her profile pic has him and her on it. JUST him and her. My mouth dropped open.

I mean..he thought he said it was over?? I don't understand. Was he playing me from the get go...or are they just cordial? Should I stop talking to him? Or let him explain his side of the story? Or do I let it go? BTW, he hasn't called since he called...and that was like last month.


Hope I'm Not Getting Played


Dear "Hope I'm Not Getting Played":

Well..hun..I got a simple answer for you. 2 actually.

Stop talking to his rachet, monkey ass.


That ninja is lyin! 

I mean, basically, what else do you want me to say?? *shrug* If you want a long winded answer I'll give you here we go:

This is what happened, hun. You met dude during a summer of discontent between him and Baby-Mutha. He probably thought "Oh well...she seems awesome...I like different from my Baby-Mutha with her annoying ass" he gave you a chance, putting his "smooth brother" routine on you and you feel for it...hook line and sinker.

And there is nothing wrong with falling for it. It feels good to be smitten. It feels great to be pursued. And I commend you for having a level head and realizing that "something in the milk ain't clean" when that foo-well disappeared on you for 3 months. (unless he was in the Congo w/ no cell reception.., hands chopped off for blood diamonds...he had no excuse NOT to call). Truth is, men have no idea how to compartmentalize things. If it all comes crashing down on comes swiftly..and they have no idea to well..TELL THE TRUTH...and get shit squared away while simultaneously handling business. He needed to clean his slate before stepping to you in a relationship. . Then again..maybe that probably wasn't his aim all along.

Now, I will give the brother the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure he had all those excuses going on and MUCH MORE. Who knows the depth of drama he had with the baby-mama (hey..that rhymed! LOL) but IT AINT YOUR BIDNESS. Fall back, girl. You don't need to hear what he has to say because of several reasons.  First off...You weren't in a relationship NOR emotionally invested to even care that much. Right? I mean you said it yourself something was amiss in your gut. Perhaps it was just too good to be true, sadly.

Secondly, he really could have called. I don't give a damn about how embarrassing shit can still call and let a girl know that "hey..some stuff is tight..some personal Imma have to fall back for a minute". At least that's respectful. Calling after 3 months is totally inexcusable. TOTALLY disrespectful and a waste of your calling plan minutes. AND now you haven't heard from him in another month? Chile please...*OchoCinco voice*

But like I said...this ain't one of those situations. Let me reiterate by saying that I think you were possibly going to be the rebound, in between time, chick. And do you wanna be that? Nope. So Thank GOD you were spared that embarrassment before you really laid it all out there. And by "laying it all out there", I mean giving up the panties-sty (a la Pootie Tang). Facebook is telling you a different story. It is painting the picture of a happy, reconciled family. It is painting a picture of a relationship on the mend. And you are not in that picture, literally or figuratively.  I don't know too many disgruntled baby mamas w/ pics up of their ex on there. *shrug*

So unless you want to be the jumpoff,, side-peice, a possible cause of more drama (because naturally, she, meaning the baby mutha, will see you as the threat, not him for causing the action)  follow your gut and fall back. He's not worth it. Leave well enough alone. And stay the hell off Facebook!

(And add his number to your spam filter so he can't call you anymore)



  1. Great advice. Ole' boy thinks he is slick. *smh* I'm glad this young lady was level headed enough to back away when she did, because the whole thing sounds like bad news. He may even be married, chump!!!

  2. awesome advice! i could hear your ochocinco voice too!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…