Skip to main content

Love is Chess...Not Checkers

"Being rejected doesnt mean you're not worthy. It means you're just not what they might want. Move on. It's chess not checkers."- Author Terry McMillan via Twitter

When I was younger, my father tried to teach me how to  play chess. It was a complicated game of strategy...and far too complicated for my 8 year old mind. All I wanted to do was roller skate, play with dolls, or paint/draw. I had absolutely no patience to learn the game of kings and queens (Not to Dad was a HORRIBLE teacher who himself had no patience...). I thought this was a game for old people. This was no fun. And it was too long..and each piece had it's own move. Why couldnt this be as simple as checkers?

Now, at 32, I wish I had really paid attention to the game of chess. It would have taught me so much about life and love. Love is a game of chess...not checkers: a calculated, exacting series of moves for your heart.

The objective of chess is to place the opponent in "checkmate"...a position where their king can be capture no matter what move that they make. Each piece has their own position. Everyone cant make the same moves.  Rooks, Bishops, Queen, King, Knights..the little ol' Pawns...

Much of my love life, I've been a pawn. Just a little, sometimes insginificant piece that moves straight forward. And depending on the could end up on an empty square or take someone's piece. It just moves the game along. Rarely if ever have I heard of a chess master winning a game with a pawn.Often times you feel like that little, insignificant pawn...feeling like your moves are just moving the game of love along and not really going anywhere.Love, much like chess, will frustrate the hell out of you. You have no idea which way to turn.

Chess is a lot like courting, dating, mating and love...  I'd rather be in slow, calculated game of strategy....then be in a rushed game of "divide and conquer". We are living in a time of "checkers" like love/interactions..dudes just wanna come out "on top"..and get to you as fast as possible. Heck..I can't even call it love or a relationship if that's the case. I'm tired of that. I'm something to be savored, learned, and developed. It takes skill to win me over. Likewise, it takes all of those things for me to get to know someone as well. Just like the moves of a chess board, everyone cant make the same move on your heart to capture you. They have to use what they get you. You are the board..and they must study in order to make a move.

Maybe one day someone will treat me more like chess..instead of checkers. Someone will say "Checkmate" instead of "King Me".

It's wishful thinking...but maybe I'll come across my Bobby Fisher....who'll put the moves on my heart.


  1. Wow, I really loved this analogy of Chess being like courting, dating, mating, and love.
    I wish i knew how to play the game of chess as well.

  2. You hit the nail on the head with this post. Your definitions of love, dating, mating, and etc are exactly like a game of chess, to be nurtured, skilled, and developed. I enjoyed this. Thanks!!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

Desperate Times, Drastic Measures!

Hey Folks!

I know.. I have skipped a couple of weeks already! BUT in my defense, having a sick toddler will wear you out... and family really is important.

That being said... I've gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. I've had a physical, which has made me reassess  my life. I have more appointments on the books than I care for just to make sure I am doing ok. I don't want to go into anything as to alarm folks, but I do want to keep on trucking and this is all part of being proactive. I'm still in the gym but not really seeing much progress. I am sure it has something to do with my eating. It isn't that I eat bad.. I just do not eat enough to burn off the fat . I have to meal plan better..

This is where Pinterest comes in....I have tons and tons of food options saved. I figure I can do weekly "sheet pan" meals for my meal planning.. and then shop for the week. I normally I am a "once a month" grocery shopper... but I think that's g…