February 26, 2010
February 23, 2010
“It was nice chatting with ya”
….and walks away.
I sat there flabbergasted with my mouth wide open. Seriously?? You talked to me the whole time. You FLIRTED with me doggone it! I flirted back with you…and what did you do?? You walked off. I wasn’t the typical “mean black woman with a chip on her shoulder”. Actually, I never am. I smiled. I laughed at his cornball jokes and inquiries. I was engaging and articulate. In other words, I was ON and acted the way I would with ANY attractive man! And he just walked away. HE had no ring on his finger. HE had said he JUST moved to Atlanta so (perhaps) he wasn’t attached. He didn’t mention a girlfriend or a wife…he mentioned his RIT education and skateboarding….and I was familiar with both.
I sat there pretty bummed about it. What was it about me that he didn’t like? My breath wasn’t funky. My locs were groomed. My hair was flawless…what the HELL was it??
Then it hit me. I’m not “that type” that non-brothers go for. With them, it’s one extreme or the other. I call it “The African or The Octoroon”. White men either want a woman who looks DISTINGUISHABLY and strongly African (i.e. Alek Wek) often times unattractive or a woman who looks “colored” but not necessarily strongly African but you know she’s black (i.e. Rasheeda Jones). In both women, you get to feed your slave/erotic/exotic fantasies. You are either getting the fresh of the shore….or mulatto queen.
But I’m neither of these archetypical women. Sometimes, folks will ask if I’m Blasian (black and Asian) due to my eyes or I must be “mixed with something” and I truly am not. I’m just a plain old African-American girl and THAT isn’t always appealing (hell...sometimes that isn’t appealing to brothers! LOL). When I tell folks that, it is as if they are disappointed. I do have a “different” look but I’m in neither of those categories. Guess you don’t know what to do with this mocha-colored girl with the Asian eyes and dark locs. I’m certainly not unapproachable. In other settings, I do get a brother or two to come up to me in social settings. I smile and I flirt “with my eyes”….and most times..black men DO at least speak to you (even if nothing happens) and show interest or will even hand you a business card. No haps with the white and non-white brothers...no matter how beautiful I feel or how charming I am.
Granted, I don’t see many non-black brothers unless it is a work related event. But I’m ALWAYS pleasant. I rarely go out to clubs where there are a bevy of non-black men so perhaps I need to expand my social horizons. But…this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me. It’s been super fine Pakistani dudes in the grocery store…Tall, svelte Asian dudes on the train….etc. They will chat me up..EVEN flirt…and just walk away.
I talked to a friend about it and he sort of made a joke. He was curious to know if the guy asked for my number. And I told him he didn’t…and told him my theory and he joked a bit.
Maybe they are just being nice.. *sigh*
NAW!! No way..you don’t say stuff like.. “That’s a lovely color you have one” or “You hair is beautiful” something… What is it that makes them stop cold in the pursuit? It’s like they can turn it off in a heartbeat.
*sigh*…I don’t get it at all. Or maybe it’s not for me to get!
February 22, 2010
This week's "Ask a Man" question comes from Ru. She wants to know..
"Do men REALLY wanna know "THE NUMBER" a chick has? You know..THE number before you???? What is TOO MUCH? " Hmmm...felllas?
any dude that has a problem with a number needs to (1) check his own number, and then (2) watch the movie "Chasing Amy".
Mon at 6:50pm ·
Bwahahahahaha! , who REALLY asked this question. Even though I'm not a dude, I'll answer. No, NO ONE wants to know. They say they do, but they don't. I have no problem telling but I rather not because it starts shit and I don't want to know either because I get "images". Plus I think we're too old (and "experienced") for that. I'd want to know... See More if he was a virgin so I could slip out the back before it even started and never call again (don't want to deflower one and have em all attached, especially since I'm a no-gooder). Besides that, keep it to yaself.
Mon at 6:58pm ·
hahahah@ Slip out the back? WOuld you really??? Damn that's cold! *smh*
Mon at 6:59pm ·
Oh, and I don't care about the #, just about the status re: current attachments and STDs.
Mon at 7:00pm ·
Maybe not slip out the back, but I wouldn't do it or even close...I'd probably tell them, um thanks but no thanks and save yourself for someone who'll appreciate it and not for someone like me, who's not looking to make any deep bonds. I think that's why I like older guys because they've learned through life not to attach serious emotions to the "... See Morehorizontal tango" hahahah! I honestly feel way more intimacy in a serious conversation or a sincere hug than I do during gathering "bilblical knowledge".
Mon at 7:05pm ·
lol.. Ru loves and leaves em! lol
Mon at 7:07pm ·
I'll agree that nobody wants to know the number. Either it's too high, or it's too low. That's something nobody ever really needs to know.
Mon at 7:17pm ·
JD.thanks for answering (and always having input)
Mon at 7:17pm ·
What is this "love" thing you speak of, madam? LOL Ru has fun, then leaves them whey they start "when-ing"...as in, "when we get married", "when we have kids", "when we celebrate your birthday next month"...I've been with Andrew for 2 years and I'm still "if-fy". "If we're together by May, I'd like to go away for a week". Life's unpredictable, man!Tat, you tell your "viewers", as a womanly woman, do you like to know and tell?
Mon at 7:26pm via Email Reply ·
hahahaha @ "when-ing" I MUST steal that!!!And I personally dont need to know the number..just need to know how SAFE you were...and if you may have been to jail and/or purchased sex OR..sold yourself for drugs. (LOL)...
February 21, 2010
In my next marriage, the "money" wont be that important to me....it's what HE does with it. How do you use it? Do you pay your bills on time? Do you pay the FULL amount? Do you save? Do you tithe? What's your plan for retirement? Are your student loans in default? Are you in bankruptcy or debt management? Do you have life insurance or college savings for your kids? I guess in a lot of ways.... I'd ask all of the questions I failed to ask the first time.
..and I'd hope a guy would ask me the same thing.
February 20, 2010
Lead to hallway first touches
“Can I stay tonight?”
“ Good morning love”
You so softly say and
Pull me back in bed
I can feel your lips
pressed against my skin softly
if only in dreams
You…in the mirror
Shaving your face…cut your hair
I smile watching you
Hand running through locs
Softly cascades down my back
River of onyx
The kitchen island
My back against cold granite
Love is our breakfast
Still permeate through the house
Like unanswered prayers
I was not ready
To receive the love you gave
Melting my ice heart
To imagine you
Is to know the depths of you
Versions of your soul
Your side of the bed
Grows colder by the minute
Your warmth…what I need
Your Lips Say Good Night
But the Rest of You Tells Me
Hello and Welcome....
February 19, 2010
This week's "Ask a Woman" question...is....
Tue at 10:39am ·
Tue at 10:42am ·
Tue at 10:42am ·
Nope and nope and nope I'm old fashion. I believe in the chase...
Tue at 10:48am ·
Wow 4 No's...no modern women here? No women who shun "gender role" (I'm just stirring it up....LOL)
Tue at 10:49am ·
No. Hell no. Lol. I'm a mix of traditional and modern. But this is one tradition I dig.
Tue at 10:52am ·
Right now...i would say NO..cant do it. It's HE who findeth a wife. If i gotta give u a nudge..then you dont want me. BUT....if I was drunk enough and we were in Vegas. In other words..I can never say never.
Tue at 10:55am ·
Tue at 10:57am ·
Tue at 11:43am ·
@Ru..guess you'd give him a ring and the whole nine yards.
Tue at 11:46am ·
Hell no x 500...! And you know I shun gender roles.
Tue at 11:49am ·
Ok, I can dig you on the suggestion to elope thing...but not a down on my knees, ring, stadium giant screen proposal deal!
Tue at 11:52am ·
@Ru..this is a lot more common than we know. I think Pink, Halle Berry, and a few other celebs have done this! *shrug*. I mean, not trying to compare celebs to regular folks, but it happens more often than not. A man would have to be might extraordinary for me to go above and beyond.
Tue at 11:53am ·
A girl I went to law school did this. She bought herself a ring and proposed to the dude and then put the ring on her finger. I think she got him a necklace or something...interested to see how they turned out. Now I don't see a problem with a woman bringing up marriage in conversation...depending on the status of the relationship. But asking? My answer is no.
Tue at 12:26pm ·
Tue at 1:50pm ·
Nope..I say if you can mustard up the courage to ask then we really ain't that close!
Tue at 4:31pm ·
yes....if its true love, y not?
Tue at 7:17pm ·
February 17, 2010
You let out a sigh and say..."Yes. And my answer was YES the last time you called me".
The dude laughs and goes.."Just checking...you know when I get ready to lock it down..I wan tit to be with you. You re wife material...you know that right?"
Thus begins the "back pocket" check in.
We all know him. He's the man that calls you ever 3-4 months tio make sure you are still single. You entertain the convo and let out an exasperated sigh. You dont HAVE to be single. And there would be nothing stopping the two of your from having a relationship. You both are single. You both have great careers and goals. You both know what you want in a person and you both (seemingly) get along. Perhaps the two of you dated in the past. Perhaps there is still chemistry. And perhaps the sex was fantastic. (perhaps the sex is STILL fantastic..and you dip your toe in the water every now and then). Well...if everything is so great....then...
I will be the first to admit this hasnt happened to me (at least not that I am fully aware of). I cant say that I am anyone's "back pocket" chick currently. I dont get the calls inquiring if I am single...etc. No one really cares that much since being divorced (ironically..I got more calls inquiring "you stil married/happy"...) But either way, this is often the experience of my girlfriends- talented, successful, and single women. They get calls from dudes who, once upon a time, they cared a great deal for. Only to have them ask them if they are still single and say silly sh*t like "Well..when we get married at 35..." or "I want you to have my kids"...and dumb crap.It just makes my heart ache to hear.
I say dont even bother entertaining it. You see that number..hang up. You take it out your phone. Block that fool from all social networks, email accounts, etc. Dont even give them the satisfaction of knowing if you are single or not. Why end up with someone who looks at you like the "ace in the hole"? That's not romantic at all. Who want's to be treated like lay-away? They are calling every few months to make sure that that no one bought you. But even so..somestimes calls get fewer..the dates get fewer...they exhibit less and less effort. (they are putting less and less down on their "lay-away" plans)
I dont want to be someone's "last resort". I want to be their "dream destination".
February 16, 2010
… to be a wife again. I was a great wife. I’ll be the BEST wife possible the next go around. I’ve learned a lot of lessons. I learned that sometimes they have to lead. Sometimes you have to trust. Sometimes you have to walk by faith….in a relationship. This however...takes time
…to be a mother. I want to hold a brown bundle of joy in my arms. Smell them..kiss them..read to them. Walk them to the bus stop….put their first band-aid on. I’m ready. I’ve been ready
...to be persued. Deep down I am an old fashioned girl. Me trying to be all "modern" and asking guys out wasnt my style deep down
…to walk in my destiny. What God has for me it is for me. I am so ready
…to have sex that makes the beds rock. (Hey…just being honest!) I know this wait will be worth it in the end. I want to make love and really mean it. I want to sweat and mean it…I want to moan and….(well…you get the point.)
…to fit into my “skinny girl” jeans again! The diet seems to be working! I just want to be healthy and be around for years to come
…to actually live my fantasies…all of them.
…to actually dust of my stilettos..and get dressed…and actually not feel like a hassle to be on a date.
…to have a guy call me..and not text me to death! (Wishful thinking in this day and age….)
…to be financially sound! I'm almost there
..to not mix being "broken hearted" w/ being "emotionally broken or bankrupt"
…to see more of the world.
…to actually feel again. …and be open and live life with authority
..to just believe again.
February 15, 2010
Our "Ask a Man" question this week comes from Dani
"Men usually don't care about who they date..or who they sex (right??). But really..are there any situations/people that are "off limits" to most guys?"
Ok Dani..I'm assuming you mean we can exclude any and all "illegal" situations (LMAO).
Yesterday at 9:08am ·
Yes, and I'm not talking about men who are the "exception" lol.
Yesterday at 9:15am ·
This answer isn't pc but my hubs said that in his single days, he would have sex with a girl of....um. another persuasion. But he wouldn't seriously date or be in a relationship with one. Too dramatic. Plus the whole not understanding 'me' thing.
Yesterday at 9:17am ·
Sooo Angel...he had no scruples about dating "other" chicks because he knew it wasnt going to get serious. Therefore, those chicks were not "off-limits" to him sexually, but relationship wise?
Yesterday at 9:19am ·
Pretty much. But he had to have been in at least one to come to that conclusion.
Yesterday at 9:24am ·
Current significant others of friends and family. Exes of friends and family.But men do care who they date or sex. Sometimes the restrictions are less that others, that's all.
Yesterday at 9:25am ·
@Angel..ha..that's true! LOL!@Jason..thanks for that input. I know we arent saying men are heartless, unfeeling creatures (LOL). As you said..the restrictions may be a little less...."rigid"
Yesterday at 9:26am ·
Men do care who they date. Off limits: Baby daddy drama...Helpless damsels who can't lift a finger or try because that's a "man's" job.Extremely conceited sistasManipulators.Spoiled brats..... See MoreThe sex situ is based on where they are on the rainforest to desert scale..(bell shaped curve no doubt)If a man's in the:"your ishts dry side".. He will hit just about anything.Rainforest side: he turning down Halle Berry..Middle of the road.. He is choosie..
10 hours ago ·
Rainforest to desert...good analogy!!
10 hours ago ·
9 hours ago ·
What is interesting?
9 hours ago ·
The analogy based on the fact that sex for men is on a Bell curve.....and I thought men liked a woman who was a "tad' big Scarlett O'hara "Oh hun..please do this...etc". LMAO! Not "captain save a-chick"...just you know...does a lil ego stroking by being a little helpless. (JUST a little)
9 hours ago ·
Naw..Guys read helpless as manipulative and see that as a pattern that they do not want.
9 hours ago ·
February 14, 2010
Wrapped up in an enigma
Please reveal yourself
The way your name rolls
Off my tounge is like water
Quenching to my soul
I ache for your touch
I imagine you kissing
The depths of my soul
I have not felt this
Emotion in a long time
Open to the thought
I wonder if you
Even notice the way I
Admire your beauty
I wont make a move
Until you make a move and
Move in on my heart
I wish I wasn’t
So afraid and so shy
To reach out and try
In my fantasies
Our love becomes palpable
Hope you feel it too
I daydream about
The way that you smell and taste
The sweetness of love
February 12, 2010
February 11, 2010
I don't think it's true that women go for the "bad" guy every time. I haven't been with a bad guy, so I can't fully speak for these women who do this. However, if I had to guess, maybe they're looking for adventure and the "good" guy doesn't offer them that, or maybe they have a complex which draws them to bad guys. Maybe they feel they don't deserve a good guy. I don't know...just my thoughts.
8 hours ago ·
Guess I'll answer. Women like bad guys for the sense of "adventure" they bring..often wild and spontaneous which women find sexy. Sometimes the nice guys are boring to women. Furthermore.. Many dudes who hail themselves as "nice guys" aren't all that nice themselves. *shrug*. And think because "oh I'm single..black..no drama.. Etc" women ought ... See Moreflock to me. Wrong! Depends on your humility and personality. I have my own personal preference but most women (not all) like a sense of wild,uninhibited instability (lol). I dunno why.. They just do! Maybe it's biological (hunters vs nurturers)
8 hours ago ·
Good point there...having had my share of both I will say that while I like the dependability of the good boy, I also like the excitement of the bad boy. I agree with you as well Mocha that some of the so-called good boys really aren't that good once you start peeling back the layers. I don't want a truly BAD boy, but neither do I want a shrinking wallflower either.
8 hours ago ·
I've seen the "Moth to the Flame burned by the fire (c) Janet Jackson" too many times. I have a couple of female friends who can't stay away from the bad guy.
8 hours ago ·
I got an even simplier answer: the sex is good. *shrug*. (Hey.. Some women love the thug lovin")
7 hours ago ·
I can only speak for myself. I have had my share of "bad " guys and a few "good" guys as well. In agreement with what was said before, I know I loved the thrill and excitement of the bad but appreciated the sincerity of the good. In the end, the good became mundane and routine and there was no excitement left. To me, I think a relationship can use ... See Morea jolt every now and then and for me, the bad ones seemed to bring that jolt. Granted, I swear I have a magnet for drama and bad guys, but I still appreciate the good when the come around. The only bad thing for me is that I will get bored with them and more then likely create drama just to keep things exciting. That takes too much energy. LOL.
7 hours ago ·
For Guys: That crazy chick maybe "datfye" but there is no way on the relationship tip
7 hours ago ·
U sure about that? I know too many dudes staying in god awful and crazy relationships cause the chick "gives it good". (I would call em out but I'm not that cold...lol)
4 hours ago ·
They must be married, older and them chicks gotta be on some Halle Berry status. Not the kid....
4 hours ago ·
Naw not married.. I think they just generally like unhealthy drama-filled relationships..or the skills are just that good! *shrug*
4 hours ago ·
I'm for the former. I got peeps who are the same way. Luvs the drama-chicks. Give me a cool fun caring sista in a nice frame. I'm working with sumsumin
Dr. Jean Gray: Girls flirt with the dangerous guy; they dont bring him home. They marry the good guy
What RU Said! *nodding head*
February 10, 2010
Born Maxwell Gerard Manard Rivera in Brooklyn New York.... one of the neo-soul "godfathers" has staked his claim in the worlds of soul music as a pioneer and smooth crooner of all things silky, romantic, sexy and love. He exudes sex. He sells sex. He IS sex on two legs. Everyone remembers his "Urban Hang Suite" and the melodic sexual overtures and steam that was released from that LP. And after 3 other successful albums ( The Unplugged Album, Embrya, Now) ..and an almost decade long break..he came back with his finest album yet....BlackSummersNight....awesome piece of work as well. A recent Grammy winner (his FIRST Grammys actually if you can believe that...) he is deserving of all accolades.
Maxwell IS my favorite singer in the world. I mean it. ALtought I had been a fan for years, I just saw him in concert last year in Nashville at the famous Ryman Auditorium (the Grand Ole Opry). I saw him for the first time in concert after years of missing him. I was five rows back. I could touch him (if I wanted...some women surely did..andhe kissed their hands..stroked their faces)... Smell him...reach for him. As you can tell...I'm his number one fan.
Yet I was paralyze for all of the 2.5 hrs that I saw him. I was screaming yet no sound was coming out. I was sweating like a crazy woman. I could not move. I did scream..I cried. When I came out the concert..It looked like I had been having wild sex for hours..hair messed up....makeup almost gone...sweat in unknown spots! LMAO! Amazing! HE had channeld Marvin Gaye, Sam Cook, Al Green and every other soul singer in one body!
When most folks think of Maxwell..they name his popular songs that have or had a lot of airplay... "Fortunate", "This woman's work", "Lifetime", "Till the Cops come Knockin"........but for my fav Max song I dig into the crates.....
there's a power that knows just how you feel
we were prone to feel a love not real
oh yea hwonder when you'll show if not
i'm gon' feel what i feel
you and i were sposed to grow old
guess i was symptom unknown
The lyrics are so haunting...just....amazingly beautiful.
He's a genius!! MUSZE has it...down pact!
Just listen for yourself.
PS: If you EVER get a chance to see him live..PLEASE do it! OMG..worth every single dime. You will leave wanting to either break up.. or make a baby... LOL
February 9, 2010
The "Ask a Man" Question is a little early (usually ask on Mondays)..but. this question reminds me of the movie "He's Just Not That Into you" "Nell" would like to know "When is a man flirting....and when is he being "nice"? Because I mean...the signals can be mixed" Fellas, wanna tackle this?
Unless you are a blood relation, men are always flirting.But just cause he flirts, don't mean he wants what he's flirting with. He does it because he can.
Fri at 11:44am ·
EX-Husband (yep...the ex husband...LOL)
perfect answer. agree with DS. i was thought by the older men in my family to always compliment or flirt with a woman. you never know how you may make her day.
Fri at 11:48am ·
*side eye* @ Ex....flirting gets you in trouble, too.
Fri at 11:50am ·
@DS good answer!
Fri at 11:51am ·
@DS but doesnt that lead the female on though.. flirting because you can is a bit misleading.
Fri at 11:59am ·
It's up to you to brush it off or believe it.That leads to another question. "Why are some 'people' not just women, so ready to jump on the first person that flirts with them?" What happened to finding love within ones self before searching for it with another person. You can't be misled if you don't fall for it in the first place.
Fri at 12:04pm ·
@DS hmmm..you have opened up a can of worms. I guess because some folks are so desperate for love and attention they dont care WHO gives it to them. They arent self-aware and confident.
Fri at 12:08pm ·
"Some ppl" not just men can be very persuasive and manipulating in their ways. They can be very persistent to the point where the other person may feel like its worth taking a chance on "love" when all in all, the other person had a specific agenda in mind. A person can be as focused as they want to be in finding self love but in the end, no one really wants to be alone.
Fri at 12:08pm ·
@ Mocha and Nell :Touche' Pussy Cats. Good Points.Back to work for me, lunchtime is over. Back to the grindstone.
Fri at 12:11pm ·
Nice chatting with you DS
Fri at 12:13pm ·
My #1 pet peeve: dudes who flirt all mad aggressively and then when you go "Well..wassup??" they go..'Oh..I'm sorry..I got a girl". Ninja..why you talking to me then?????
Fri at 12:16pm ·
Maybe the get a touch of conscience Mocha. You know how that goes.
Fri at 12:59pm ·
@AD....naw..they are testing out "if they still got it". I'm not your lab rat! *smh*
Fri at 1:13pm ·
Dr Angie, DDS
The question should be: why do guys think it's ok to say I'm dealin w/ somebody but I don't see why we can't continue what we're doin". Ugh, now that I know about her, we cannot!
Fri at 1:39pm ·
Dr Angie, DDS
OMG, ur post at 12:16 is right on it
Fri at 1:43pm ·
Dr V, pediatrician
agreed with DS...i don't get myself all worked up over a compliment or flirting..i just politely thank him and keep it moving..i've always been that way. i think you are right, a lot of people need validation from the opposite gender. so they get all caught up from the attention they get whether it is genuine or just plain old flirting..
Sat at 10:25am ·
February 8, 2010
It's quite ironic really. Right after the post I made the other day abotu "crushes"...my little heart began to flutter and my mind started to imagine scenarios with a guy I've known a long time. You see...I dont know what it is just yet. Convos are small. Here and there. There's just something about him. I can't put my finger on it...and my finger isn't really what I want on IT anyway :) It's like a mystery...
February 4, 2010
On this week's "Ask a Man" blog series, our question comes from my friend "Tee Tee."
I can dig both sides... see if you let the crush remain a fantasy they can never disappoint but if you act on it and they do disappoint then you 'll never feel the same about the crush. IDK.. #imjustsayin... I dated my crush for 4 yrs.. still ♥ him 2 this day :) So go for it if you think it's mutual I guess :)
Yeah, go for it if you can. Forget "What if's."
I married mine. I made my interest known and took it from there.
My hubby had a crush on me and well... here we are. lol.
No crush I've ever had (past or present) has manifested itself into a relationship.
I developed an immediate crush on this woman once on our first date... and, well... *looking at his wedding ring & smiling*
Awwh @ all of u who married ur crushes! If my crush wasn't so foolish or blind or maybe a touch of both I'd be married 2! ☺
Awww @ The married cornballs! LMAOOO!!! (I am kidding!)Lmao@Tee...it's like that..they are real Helen Keller. @AJ....really..in all your age and wisdom...never had a crush????
about an hour ago ·
I would have to take it back to Elementary/HS days..Wait I did have a crush on a Senior during my freshman year in college.. I thought it was about a current Crush
@AJ I need to ask Tee if this is about current or past crushes. I think she meant current.
Current Crush.. I think I am too old to crush.. I see someone and they may be attractive..I am trying to get to know them.. things are always good when they are new..so My advice is to get to know the person and pay attention to the little things. Infatuation is blinding to reality.Once the birds stop chirping you have to make your own music
February 3, 2010
I have a confession. I love John Mayer. I own ALL of his albums and I am a huge fan (not as big as I am of Maxwell....but still a big fan). There is something real, melodic and just gritty (and sexy) about his guitar playing and his lyrics. I close my eyes and pretend he is my "cool, white boyfriend who voted for Obama, smokes a little pot, and paints my toes". (OK..that might be a bit borderline crazy.......) He has so many good songs..it was hard for my to pick one...so hey..it's my blog..I picked two! :) For a white boy born and raised in Conneticut (but lived a bit in my hometown of ATL after school), he has some soul!
I was first exposed to the Grammy winner on the album " Room for Squares ". I loved the whole album but the lyrics of "Your Body is a Wonderland" just struck with me. " You tell me where to go and...Though I might leave to find it...I'll never let your head hit the bed...Without my hand behind it" I sat and played it a few times. Just listen to how sexy this is...
But I think my ultimate favorite Mayer song is "Gravity" from his album Continuum. I think to hear the pure beauty and grit of the song...you have to hear the live version. I just get chills. "Gravity..stay the hell away from me..."
February 2, 2010
This is my 2nd Valentine's Day as a divorcee'. You know, I never did get into the whole "day" although I love what it represents. I never had a "valentine". Even when I was married and with my ex for seven years, we never exchanged gifts. The most we ever got each other was a card. I think we MAY have gone out to eat once or twice (I truly don't remember)...and the only flowers he ever got me were AFTER we were divorced.
As of right now and V-Day itself, I'm not hoping for anything. I seriously doubt any flowers will show up on my doorstep. I seriously doubt I'd be asked out (and I'd decline given my feelings about V-day first dates) or be asked out by someone with whom I shared any type of physical or emotional tie to. I don't have any crushes (well..I do...but..c'mon..I'm almost 30 and it seems silly to hope and wish for romance via a crush). I def am not feeling like putting on makeup, dusting off my stilettos and pretending to actually give a damn...with someone I feel nothing for..just to say I went out on V-day. BLAH! However.....there is something I do hope for.....
Maybe V-Day Will Inspire our Men....to get MARRIED.
And when I say "our men"..I do mean black men in our community. I just really am sick and tired of another year, another Valentine's day...going by and having my men do the same bullshit (AND women accepting it! You are accountable too!) How about you stop co-habitation with your baby mama...and marry her? Stop making kids with women you have no intention on marrying..and save your sperm. Ladies, stop having babies with these dudes! For the life of me, I've never understood the fear of marriage and commitment our men have. Are they hoping their lives won't be a perpetual rap video or something? They won't get anymore coochie? They wont be able to control primal desires. That's so bogus. I know a lot of our men don't have father figures in the home. and their mothers were unmarried themselves. If anything, I'd hope that would inspire us to want to strive for higher heights. Girls are hoping, breathlessly, for their men to pop the question. How can you date a woman for 7 years and not propose? It's preposterous! Do you know what you are doing to our kids? You have them thinking crazy stuff like.."Marriage is for white people!" What's next?? "Reading is for white people??" "WTF! I don't get it at all.
I'm hoping, one day, we'd have less baby mamas and live-in girlfriends on Valentines Day than the year before...and have more wives. Yeah it's corny to get engaged on Valentine's Day..or even get married on Valentine's Day (LOL)..but corny be damned! you have so much to gain by getting married. According to a 2002 study sponsored by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, married men and women tend to have lower mortality, less risky behavior, more monitoring of health, more compliance with medical regimens, higher sexual frequency, more satisfaction with their sexual lives, more savings and higher wages.. Therefore, statistically, married people are wealthier than single (well duh...married folks can pool two incomes together). You get all kinds of tax breaks, earned income credits, etc. You are taxed at a lower rate than a single person. You can eliminate debt faster.....I wouldn't say just marry for monetary reasons alone...but ..how do you think the rich get rich..and STAY rich? They get married (or if you are gay....you get in a same-sex union...hey..I don't care how you do it.. but for all intensive purposes..I'm speaking to my hetero family...no offense).
Marriage isn't a black thing. Or a white thing. It's a covenant thing. A covenant you make with God to better yourself, your family, and your community. Seeing married people gives us all hope.... (and just try your best to STAY married...*sigh*) The excuse of "marriage just ain't for me" is some utter and complete bullshit. It's an excuse of the scared and the weak. Hell..I used to say that...and I know it all stemmed from fear. No one on this earth is meant to roam alone. Even Noah got the animals two-by-two....male and female. C'mon son!! GTFOOHWTBS!!!
I know..I know...you are like.. "Mocha..you are asking for WAY too much!". So what...if I'm the best..I deserve to see and be around the best in people! *kanyeshrug*
Give Love Everyday...not on V-Day only.
Now on this one..I'm speaking to my ladies. Yep..YOU! *pointing* You expect a man to pull out the absolute WORKS on V-day...whether you deserve that or not! LMAO! If he doesn't give you some flowers..candy..jewelry...he ain't sh*t! Now Now....you cant get mad if he doesn't go all out on Vday...esp. if the other 364 days of the year he does NOTHING to show you how much he loves you. Howbout you expect more! Demand it And most of all...it should be reciprocal. You get treated the way you demand to be treated Don't expect the works if you don't do the same.
Now, Im not talking about some "lay down and be a doormat" kind of submission...and do whatever he says to please him. That's not love. Certainly not biblical (and I'm not even that religious).... I'm not even talking about some wack ass "Cater to you" Destiny Child bullsh*t. I'm talking about..............being nice. Black women get an absolute bad rap for being mean, argumentative, and hard to get along with. With your man, you should be the sweet spot for him in an otherwise harsh world. Now I'm not saying not to be mad or fight (cause fighting, believe it or not, is healthy!).... So in other words...do something to deserve being showered with love on V-Day.....and give love everyday (esp if the man deserves it!) After a while., V-Day just becomes a regular day....of love you experience everyday!
As for ya girl............
*sigh*. I won't lie. I've had a lot to think about this past year..and V-Day sorta highlights those things for me. Not necessarily what's wrong...or what makes me sad. It's more about...what I know I can bring to the right person. I have ALL this to give and so much more. I'm an absolute sap. I'd be the one in the kitchen cooking in nothing but a girly apron and stuff....5 course meals. Hey...at least this way I'll save the money! LOL. Above all else, it can be frustrating.
Lucky for me, I'm taking off work the Friday before V-day so I wont be inundated with the flowers, candies, etc that my co-workers get. I'd hate to walk past the receptionist desk thinking.."Hmmm..maybe those are for me..." when I know good and damn well they aren't! LOL. So i'm gonna treat myself..love on me..get a mani/pedi...my hair done.......Just pamper me. I'm not of the school of doing something crazy like...wearing all black...playing break-up songs....or eating a gallon of ice cream. Not my style......... If I'm angry..and full of hate and bitterness..how on earth do you expect love to come to you.
I know this blog post was longer than I expect..but....these are just my thoughts.