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Ask a Wo/Man QOTW

...is all about the POLE!

Question: Ladies..do you have a problem if your man wanted to buy a stripper pole for the house? OR wanted you to go to the strip club (watching this episode of The Marriage Ref...this argument is DUMB (wife is against it) . Not understanding why*smh*)


Cee (man)
why is she against it? I missed that episode...
7 hours ago ·

Mocha
http://www.nbc.com/the-marriage-ref/video/clips/the-panel-on-the-stripper-pole/1205229/
7 hours ago ·

AJ (man)
.......well since I am Sade and all..No I don't have a problem with it..
7 hours ago ·

Britt
My only issue with the pole is children and company. Other than that no problem. I go to the strip club, but not with my mate. I guess I would go if he asked, but I probably won't be the one suggesting it. *shrugs* I'm not against it though.
7 hours ago ·

Nell
the pole can be in our bedroom and i will be more than willing to take lessons :)
7 hours ago ·

Mocha

@Cee..she NEVER had a valid reason...other than she didn't think it was an idea of a romantic evening. *shrug* WOuldnt you rather he spend his cash at HOME? Let him throw stacks at you!! AND you get to keep it! :) LMAO!
7 hours ago ·

Mocha

@Britt..you can take the pole down. They have those..you dont need to bold it to the ceiling. LMAO!
7 hours ago ·

AJ
I have no issue with children or company seeing the pole..Company..No you know how we do..We happy..you should get it in your life.. Children..Tell em up front.. mommy and daddy like to have "mommy/Daddy" fun.. If you have questions.. we'll talk
7 hours ago ·

AJ
@Mocha: He married you..You already got at least half if not most of all of the money. Naw I ain't tippin..I'll make you a sammich or something
6 hours ago ·

Cee
she's probably not willing to admit she ain't comfortable enough with herself to do it for him... she probably thinks it's degrading for her to do that for him...
6 hours ago ·

Mocha

AND the husband bought her TONS of thongs that she REFUSED to wear. I mean thongs are NOT comfortable..but that's not the point. She really wasnt willing to compromise. *smh*
6 hours ago ·

KS (woman)

poles are fine.. bolted or not... not sure I'd tell my kids what it was for... as for her being against it... does he do romantic things? if he don't he need to.. maybe she'd be more willing.
6 hours ago ·

Mocha

@AJ..i mean for the purpose of the NIGHT...you can throw some stacks....(and begrugingly give it back) @Cee..she was sorta a larger woman..so perhaps she was not confident. I dunno WHO she been hanging with but the plus size sistas i know woulda twrirled on a pole in a heartbeat! LMAO!
6 hours ago ·

Britt

@Mocha, I've been to a class or two. I need the bolted to the ceiling type. I don't need any accidents when I break out my bag of tricks.
6 hours ago ·

Tatianna Michelle M.
@Britt.....yeah sometimes I wonder can it hold certain weight amounts wi/out it being bolted down. LMAO!
6 hours ago ·

Dee Dee (woman)
Shoot, I'm looking for a class up here and I ain't been a size 2 since I was 8 years old. But yeah, maybe her confidence isn't up just yet. She can work it out but maybe her husband has to push her a bit too. If she twirls that pole well, he won't have to take the cash out of the house.
6 hours ago ·

Kelly (woman)
I wouldnt want to go to a strip club, but thats just me. We dont take men to the beauty salon or to go buy feminne products. Why do we have to sacrifice our beliefs and ideals of being comfortable to please a man?
6 hours ago ·

Cee
there's too fine a line here. on the husband's side, he wants to spice things up. he's bought outfits for her to wear for him. he's asking for her to do something for him that will intensify his desire. doesn't sound to me like this is something where he wants to look at her in a degrading or condescending way. appreciating your wife's body and wanting her to display her physical form to you in an enticing and seductive way - I, as a man and a husband, can appreciate that.on the wife's side... she may be uncomfortable with her body, she may have a preconceived notion about having a stripper/'exercise' pole in their bedroom, she may be apprehensive about not getting the collapsible version and having their kids ask about it if they see it, and she may be set in her ways. we, as men, need to respect our wives and their wishes too. if she doesn't want to do it, I would try to get to the bottom of why and try to convince her why I wanted it, to make her more comfortable with giving into my desires or just accepting that this is something I would have to let go.... See Morethere are many women out there who won't compromise on the stripper pole. there are many women out there who won't compromise on dancing for their men. there are even women out there who won't compromise on the thong. we men have to choose our battles... let our wives know that our desires are meant to enhance our romantic lives with our partners and not meant to fulfill some chauvinistic or misogynistic fantasies we harbored before entering this relationship.
6 hours ago ·

Mocha

@Kelly..It's not about comfort. It's give and take....*shrug* as Cee said..he had a fantasy/desire he wanted fufilled. Either let your wife do it..and dont be made when he goes out the house and let another broad do what YOU wont. @Carter..yeah I felt there was something MUCH deeper there that she wasnt addressing...She just was like NO NO NO! *scratching head*
6 hours ago ·

Britt
@Cee *APPLAUSE*
6 hours ago ·

Kelly

Is she fulfilling her fantasies?
6 hours ago ·

Mocha
@Kelly..that wasnt addressed so we aren't sure. Perhaps the husband needs to be more romantic to "butter her up" to do this stuff.
6 hours ago ·

Tiff

I didn't want to watch that show because that chick annoyed me in the commercials...seriously, I really don't get why so many men marry prudes *shrug*She may be beautiful or have wonderful conversation or be classy or can cook her tail off but when it comes to marriage - it's about the total package. That's the ONE person you're supposed to be ... See Morebuck wild with for the rest of your life - if you can't get loose sexually with the person you're SUPPOSED to be free with...geesh...it seems like so many chicks use up all their freakiness before they ever get a ring and then want to act brand new once they're a wife...And yes...I had a pole in our bedroom and no, I didn't take it down when company came over and yes, even my granny thought it was cool! I'm planning on being married to this man for the rest of our lives, we are gonna enjoy it to the fullest!
6 hours ago ·

Heather B
I am a beliver of keeping the relationship spicy and exciting. What h won't get at home, he will get elsewhere.
6 hours ago ·

Mocha
@Cee..can I just say..I SO appreciate your posts and POV. Gives us hope! I love you brother! And Dee is very lucky! :) *claps*
6 hours ago ·

Mocha

@Tiff..my she-ro! LMAO! I wanna be you in my next life (LMAO!)
6 hours ago ·

Dee Dee

@Cee: YOU should have a column AND a book.@Tiff: If a FedEx truck pulls up to your house, it's an ATM. You're welcome. (c)Hayisha.If I even *thought* of presenting myself as a cold fish to my HUSBAND...Shooo...
6 hours ago ·

Shelly
EXACTLY WHAT TIFF SAID!!!
6 hours ago ·

Cee

I hear a lot of folks go on and on about being wide open for their spouses & partners, and it's a beautiful thing to hear. But, sometimes there are folks who have partners who are a little closed-minded to requests & desires of the other partner. We, as partners, need to be willing to explore the reasoning why, and hear our partner out, so that he/she knows we're making an effort to get to know them better. Most folks open up when their partners show a genuine desire to understand them better on as deep a level as possible.Look at it this way - a man could ask his wife to wear a thong for him. She might say "no" flat out. Why the "no"? And does he brow-beat her about it, does he back off and try again another time hoping to wear her down, or does he try to find out why and maybe compromise with her? She might feel that the fabric running up the crack of her butt is EXTREMELY physically uncomfortable. She may have a stigma about wearing certain kind of underwear and she may associate them with a certain notion about how her husband views women or how men in general view women. But if he lets her know that he loves her, loves the shape of her body, he's only asking for it to spice up their sex life... she'll better understand him. Then, he has to try to understand her and make her comfortable.On the other hand - maybe the same guy's wife just might have a fetish and might want to see her man in a thong. Now, how many men do you know that would immediately associate wearing a thong with being undercover-gay? *shrug* But on the same token... the woman needs to let him know that she loves his body... this is something she likes... it's to enhance their sex life... and find out about his preconceived notions about a man wearing a thong and try to understand him better and comfort him.... See MoreWe should all be willing to be completely open with our spouses, but we should also make a REAL attempt to understand our spouses and increase our closeness with them.@Diahl - I'm actually considering starting a blog... and if it goes well, I may even write a book. But trust me, I'm no expert... *L* I just have my own outlook on things. My wife has often said I should do a Blog & a book too. Think I just might do it.
6 hours ago ·

Mocha
*sheds a tear*..Carter..you up here PREACHIN!! Yeah..get on that book/blog ASAP!!! I'll help you!! They dont make em like you no mo, dude!! *claps* BRAVO!
5 hours ago ·

Meka
WTH?! Give me a pole, so I can do some flips for my man. I have one request, it has to be bolted. I don't want to have an accident like the chick did in the youtube video. LMAO!!!
5 hours ago ·

Trice

taye and i went to a strip club once...he didnt want a lap dance and he didnt tip...he said there's only one woman he gives money to...*blushing* i dont hava problem wit dat!! so that was our first and last time...
2 hours ago ·

Comments

  1. I have no problem with a pole being brought, I may even buy one without him asking. It will be fun and add some spice to the relationship. I would also hang with my man at the strip club. It will be fun and interesting.

    I have been to a women strip clubs before and I have fun!

    I wanted to see what goes on in a women strip club and maybe get some tips. I enjoyed myself. As a matter of fact I need to go again soon. I had a blast!
    Me. my sister and a good friend went for my bday!

    I will be writing about my experience at a women's strip club in my blog!

    Thank you for this post!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The strip club is fun - that's where I asked to go for my 29th birthday. We had a ball! :-)

    Stripped pole - not so much. Not that I have any kind of philosophical problem with it (lol), but I dont plan on taking any stripper pole classes anytime soon (too lazy) and that'll just make more work/drama for ME when it's time to do the do. No thanks. Also, more practically, we dont have any place to put it in our apartment. It would look tacky anywhere we placed it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Man. I'm missing out on all the good stuff on FB. :( But yea. I have no problem with a stripper pole. In fact, my industrious husband is going to make one for me to put in his manroom. Aye...if somebody asks about it, well i'll just say he always wanted a fireman's pole in his house. :)

    ReplyDelete

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